Exit to BunnyExpress.

THE END.

2010-07-14T02:04:00.000-07:00

End of piles of shit.
Time to evaluate worth.
Byeeeeee :D

Ads.

2010-06-10T05:49:00.000-07:00

I have added another wish to my infinitely long list. I want to at least produce ONE ad in my life. They make consuming so magical. Magic. Magic, I tell you.

i wish upon a plastic bottle, not a star.

2010-06-04T03:36:00.001-07:00

If I were to lead a life all on my own, without you and

without anyone else, I will bring all my stuff, and all my might, and all my dreams with me, and I will do what I really wish I could selfishly do. Wish you would be with me though, even though I haven't met you yet.

Everyone has thought of dreaming upon a shooting star, because of the increasingly concentrated amount of inculcation of the notion that wishing must have the right timing by the media. Well, I am, sadly, unaffected. I can make a wish upon a piece of recycled paper, just so you know, and now I'm wishing upon my water bottle because it lost the bunny sticker I stuck on it. The items I have wished upon: a heart-shaped stone I picked up on the Xin Tian Di road in China, curtains, my bunny plushie (who's been sadly neglected lately because the earth is revolving in the wrong direction), a piece of paper, a chair (the most corny wish I've ever made), a piece of toilet paper, pastry mould, plastic bags, trash, laptop screen, and a lot of pictures on the computer (no assumptions please).

I was always never the smart and knowledgeable one in life but I always had the most wants and dreams that could possibly never be fulfilled. Halfhearted dreams are my specialty but, some dreams really stay put in the plasticine mould in the left chamber of my chest. Some more children-suitable dreams of mine are like getting insanely drunk and kick ass, and draw nude portraits. Just kidding. No, seriously, I wanna do that.

I've been wanting to go to Machu Picchu since the first time I've set eyes on the computer-generated version of it on a video game when I was a teenager, oh sorry, I mean, when I was younger. It was one of the Seven Wonders of the World but no Wonder can amaze me and leave me breathless, only Machu Picchu. No words can describe my want to just spend all my time there.

I have many more wishes that would never be here. Or be heard. Right now, I'm only dreaming about Machu Picchu, and you.

2010-06-02T03:20:00.000-07:00

I hate liars.

I am hedonistic.

I love being dumb & egocentric.

that song-

2010-05-25T04:21:00.000-07:00

The melody went so smoothly

...so ever addictive, so turbulent

and the notes flew away, without a trace

-the cover closed abruptly.

+please

2010-05-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

Everyday we wake up: The Optimists will thank God or thank the day itself for existing; the Pessimists will mourn, most mourn internally, putting up a facade of normality as it is a good thing defined.

But how often do we actually let every defense crumble down, instead of trying so hard to mindlessly keep those bricks piling up, and embrace everyone else? It is really comforting to know, hear, and perceive that you're not in this battle alone but that knowledge, voice, and perception might not be automatic, and they are not lurking around waiting for us to just pick them up.

And in the end, we'll just say "we'll see what happens tomorrow".

We'll see.

2010-05-15T22:42:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning

I suddenly realised

We're all in this together

I started smiling

'Cause you were smiling

And we're all in this together

I'm made of atoms

You're made of atoms

And we're all in this together.

And long division just doesn't matter

'Cause we're all in this together...yeah

I saw you walking

In the city

We're all in this together

The city's changing

cause we are changing

and we're all in this together

every 12 seconds

someone remembers

that we're all in this together

In the kitchen of your rent control apartment

we're all in this together

come on baby i don't mean to rush you

I only wanted to reach out and touch you

I've got to start to open my heart

I know you think about jumping ship before it sinks

but we are all in this together

ask a scientist

it's quantum physics

we are all in this together

and on the subway we feel like strangers

but we're all in this together

yeah i love you and you love her and she loves him

But we're all in this together

You know baby there's never been protection

and all the history of human connection

come on darling its alright to show me

you dont ever need to be lonely

once you start to open your heart

I saw you crying

I started crying

cause we're all in this together

and then religion is a big decision

but we're all in this together

and so i told myself

2010-05-02T16:58:00.000-07:00

it's fine...

it's okay to let it in once in a while

i didn't know it was gonna be more than twice a day

now all i care about is my dream

i shall do this

no matter what the interpretation might be

it's okay

don't you break down

it's just a ride...

i can't choose, or think. i'm afraid.

2010-04-29T18:59:00.000-07:00

BCMB, BC, BPC, CMM...

Or P,MS? D:

principle of nostalgia

2010-04-24T02:48:00.000-07:00

The most important thing you should know before you learn the principle of nostalgia from me is that I am not a good memory sorter and I do not remember every single turn my emotions make.

They just lead my life through the twists and turns of the labyrinth of life and sometimes, we just meet this dead end together. We turn on the gooey water fountain, then we realize there was another way. We proceed. We go on. It's the only way we were getting out of this misery, or joy. I... don't really know. But one thing I definitely know is: on the way out, we were always lucky to have picked up companions, wonderful ones, and repressive ones. We, relish both kinds, because all we wanted was to get out of here.

Or not?

Sometimes (define sometimes?) we pick up companions who are covered with fire, we can't touch them, we just smile at them. We want to hug them and help them with every single twist and turn this labyrinth has to offer but we never had water. Or a fire extinguisher. No one gave us those. No one gave me those. No one wanted to give me those. Some just intended to, but they were disallowed.

Sometimes, you faintly hear the walls of the labyrinth, the weeds growing on it, and the sky: they yell a faint "Well done!". We hear it, but we don't. We believed it, but we don't. We wanted more. Moar. More. I; we, we needed a flaming companion. We needed it to burn through the walls, to light up the paths, to burn our souls. We had nothing to fear. We had nothing to enjoy. We were, banal. We tried so hard to be either fatalists, or hedonists. But failed every time.

It consumes us, the fact that we eventually reach the end of the labyrinth: success, and the fact that we will, in the end, be just us. Just this group, this duo - me and Pain. Our physical attributes will be consumed by the omnipotent Thanatos, and Pain will grow stronger with Eros beside me. But I, I've got to save myself. How? I never knew, and will probably never know. Guess I've got to cope. We are, after all, reaching there together, alone. Alone & Together. The world will spin without us.

Yesterday was technically the last day of class. Cutting all the nostalgia out, it was just another plain day, perhaps with a few hints of excitements (with friends, and celebrating a birthday) and a few hints of sorrow (with friends, and celebrating a birthday, from sensitivity and imagination). Looking back the semester, this is probably the point on my life graph curve where the slope of the tangent was the most steep. Growth was as eminent as Pain, Nostalgia as eminent as Indifference, Longing as eminent as Abstention. Perhaps the Marxist interpretation of dialectics would best describe this long, content-filled semester. Need was also as eminent as Want. But the most painful of all competition for eminence was between the party of Rationale, Cynicism, Disbelief and the party of Emotions, Humanity, Lust. Pain comes and goes in between.

I will miss this, as rational as I try to be, because Rationale grew out of this intense cycle of Emotions and Thirst for Explanations. I will miss my wonderfully brilliant friends, my companions, my indifferent acquaintances, the acquaintances who I'm indifferent towards, the amazing and heartbreakingly ambivalent lecturers (the regret for not knowing them personally sucks), the prevalent hatred, the prominent lust and longing, the pressies - the Comfort, basically. Define Comfort? Most possibly everything. Define Extra Comfort? Maybe the sight of that Flame. That red Flame. Ah forget it. I would just conclude by defining Extreme Comfort as books and Total Comfort? My best friends (you know who you are and I, know why you are), my pen, my body, my...family. My goal now, is just to really, really live up thanking the people who pragmatically filled my life with hope, and I want to do it the right way: with love. Yes, thank you for criticizing, cliche much, I know. But I know at least I'm not as cliche as you: I know that Flame will never realize it and I will never want to add gasoline (or water) to the flame and I know all I can do is just to not look. Not think. Just do, what everyone does. Denial, they call it, but I call it Camouflage.

To conclude this messy post, I shall use no metaphor. I just want to really thank the people who have really been through this with me. This hard time, with Myself, with the Beast, with the Labyrinth, and with Pain. I want to shout out to the best companions I have *at college* (alphabetical order, or random order? oh where are my narcotics! I won't rank, ever! And length doesn't mean anything!):

COMM 105 classmates: Thank you so much for making the class so lively! Special thanks to Emily, Sheng, Azrina and Druvi for making the class very, very fascinating with either your crazy barks or sarcastic remarks and fantastic ideas. And thank you most Ms Anna for such a wonderful course!

Doraisingam Tamilwanan: The best friend anyone can have! Thank you for being such sport in our friendship shaken by sloppy dirtiness *hinthint* and ambivalent sarcasm. It was really fun to have your company at times and thank you so much for making our WREL project such a major success. Loved your speeches and its great to see you grow so well in SPCH class. Thank you so much for sharing the only Wall Street Journal which barely appeared in the library. Even though it was so hard to comprehend, I know you were able to savor all of it; I just really loved the quality of the paper and the graphics *LOL*. And I apologize for whenever I was a tough nut to handle and for the wrong things I may have said. I really hope to see you in Wisconsin! And continue landscape drawing! One thing I really wanna see is you wearing your glasses! ZOMG Kitteh! =3

Fione Lim: Though I may not know you for a long time, hanging out with you and Ikhsan when you were here was probably the best thing I could ask for. It was very nice to have you around and I bet everyone here misses you! We all miss you! Hoping you are doing great and all awesome over there in Milwaukee! And I heard you aced Microeconomics. Congratulations! Hope to see you real soon!

Geraldine Evone Ho: HALO! The best friend anyone can have! Monkeh! Haye, how come you've never drawn a bunneh on my book! Thank you, Gelatin, for being such fun company and fun to tease (don't kill meh pliz)! Thank you so much for the awesome possum and all wonderful language that I have never mastered! LOL. And thanks for being such a great conversationist (No pun intended, Justine, I know you are pfft-ing now). I'm so sad (in both a true way and a sarcastic way) to say that I will surely miss you when I leave college. Who's gonna draw on my books?! NOHHHHHHH! I will visit the future building you will build in Michigan! And draw monkehs! "Do not tempt me!"

Justine Yeo Jian Ju: Requesting permission to poke. *pokepoke* *flashteeth* The best friend anyone can have! You know, this part of the blogpost will not be enough for me to say everything I wanna say, 'cause there is just too much to thank you for. I shall practice my summarizing skills to the maximum. Firstly, thank you so, so much for being an amazing friend (I was awarded Ikhsan's Understatement of the Year Award for this). Do I even have to say this? It is just too taken for granted that you are such a wonderful soul, always assisting people, running up and down the 12th floor corridor saying hi, greeting people with your soothing smile (regardless of mood, or pain *hinthint*) and doing stuff for people, without taking credit (I'm not criticizing anything this time! Just stating the facts!). We all love you and thank you for everything you've done, Justine! You've made my breathing in college (especially during the sociology research) possible. And keep it up with the awesome sarcasm, 'cause we know there is a lot moar in store! Keep loving what you do and keep doing what you love! And I support your "Special" someone! I'm also glad to say I'm proud of you for being so strong and I'm grateful for having you as my closest friend! I couldn't ask for more tolerance and acceptance(you know what I mean). Please, let me do my part too. May the Man Upstairs bless you always!

Kar Yan & Marcus: Sifu! The best friend anyone can have! I will definitely miss you and your laughs! Thank you for being so cool and sporting! And you're probably the person I can be so awesomely vulgar with LOL. Continue being such an amazing person and good luck in your future undertakings! Love you! And Marcus! Love you too! Thank you for such fun company you've been and I'm really glad you're a fan of John Mayer and Jamie Cullum! High 5! All the best to you too!

MATH 161 PASS Students: You guys are awesome, man. PASS has been one of the best things that happened to me in college. I really enjoyed teaching because of you guys. I really feel all passionate about teaching again, which had been lost for so long since I was told I couldn't do so when I was young. I had a really bad experience trying to teach my peers when I was seven (pathetic, I know). I hope I really helped you all! I'd like to thank Yee Sheng and Natali for making my first few PASS sessions easy, Kyoko for asking the toughest questions of all as it really made me learn, and thank you all who asked questions (especially Mercy, Indra, Adrian and Su Lin)! Thanks for participating ever so actively! Love you guys! All the best and I hope you all get what you worked for!

Mohammad Faiz: The best friend anyone can have. Hey Asian! Okay, I'm getting sick of that joke, but you know what I'm not sick of? Being called Cina, and I somehow felt for the first time, you're actually teasing me. It's a great thing! LOL. And I wish I could call you Cina but everytime I use it against you I must add it 'One-Twelfth'. Not very convenient! Anyways,thank you so much for being such an amazing friend! Thank you so, so much for saying thank you, and for being such a straightforward person! I'm also very grateful having you as a classmate in COMM and ECON. I have no idea how the heck I've forgotten to pass you the quiz paper by the way. And trust my, your presentations were great in COMM so quit being self-destructive! We all love you and your teasing, Faiz. Just keep it clean. (Look who's talking?) Okay I will try to stop snorting at your seemingly banal sentences! (emphasis on 'try')

Muhammad Ikhsan: *hinthint* FALE. *rolls eyes* HAHA. The best friend anyone can have! I know this is all understood but since it's a shoutout... Thank you, dearest Pukitron, for being such great sport when we all tease you so much, especially me, I really feel so ungrateful for poking fun at you all the time (okay it can be sarcastic but no, it's not). Thank you so much for being a great friend, for tolerating my being a nuisance all the time, and thank you for being such an understanding friend. I will always hope the best for you and I hope you do your best in life. You have no idea how much it means to me how well you handle whatever you know about me and really, a million thanks. The rest is either already understood, or you know, yeah... I must be really lucky to have you as a friend. Keep your heart open and never let anyone take you down. You know you can do it, and if you need anything, I will always be here.

Natalie Tan & Alvin Teh: Thank you both - if I'm allowed - daddy teh and momma nat! Haha. Thank you, Natalie, for all the nice things you've said about me. I've heard them. And thank you Alvin, for being such sport in helping Flipside achieve (probably) its best issue evah! Love your photography, keep snapping! All the best to you both and good luck in whatever you do! Hope to see you guys in the distant future, uh, no offense at all but hopefully married. Haha. You can adopt me if you want!

Olivia, Yi Min, Abhishek & Nicole: Thank you guys for being such amazing company either in the library, the corridor, or in Subway. I'm really grateful to come to know you guys and I really hope the best for you guys. Olivia, thanks for being so cool! Yi Min, thanks now I know what a blue waffle and lemon party is; I really hope you figure out your aims. AB, thanks for being such sport! You're cool and we all know that! And heard you're transferring to Segi, so all the best! And Nicole, thank you for being awesome possum and for asking "where's Ikhsan" every time you see me LOL. And all the best in studying, I wish the best for you! I know you can be an awesome businesswoman!

Rebecca Wong Yoke Ying: Salmon! The best friend anyone can have! Thank you so, so much Reb, especially for driving me around (oh and Iki, Justine and Faiz and Sam too) and for tolerating my nonsense! We shall get drunk on tea as much as we can! Thank you for being such an amazing friend and for the fun you have brought. And thanks for being a ghost lately because it's really fun to have you around after college! I really hope the best for you in whatever you do and whatever I can do to help, let me know!

Samantha & Faisal: Thank you so much for being fun company! Thank you both, for everything you've done in college and with the gang. Sam, I will not tolerate any more eyebrow raising for anything I didn't mean by the way! I will really miss you both too! All the best in whatever you pursue and promise you'll visit Banting!

Shanggar Ganesh: The Dewd with the VidCam and mad Beatboxing skillz! The best friend anyone can have! You know, when I first met you, you reminded me of my high school best friend, big time. And I thought it would be really nice to know you and you know what, it turned out to be moar than true! Thank you so much for being such sport and great company! Continue doing what you love and I will be there for you so long as it's green! We shall save Mother Earth! Good luck in your future undertakings, study hard, and study smart! P/s: Deactivate your facebook account!

Soon Kiat, Adelina & the Flipside team: Thank you all for being such cooperative people and especially Soon Kiat, for the passion for publishing this issue of Flipside. Thank you, Adelina, for being so supportive and such a cool editor, and for being there for Soon Kiat and I during the design-rush! Thank you, Soon Kiat, for being such amazing assistance and company for designing. It was really fun working with you! And thank you again, Dre, for being there for us when we were really stressing out! I really appreciate the success of this issue of Flipside!

The Classroom Colonizers: Thanks for letting me join the studying-in-the-empty-classroom club! Thank you Soh Imm, Wei Ling, Evone, Piong and the rest! It was really fun studying with you guys! And more productive! I wish all the best to you guys in whatever you're doing!

And I guess that concludes my shoutout. I really can't remember if I left out anyone so I'm sorry, and thankful too, to anyone who's not in the list but deserved my gratitude! And I apologize to everyone, for everything I might have done to hurt you all, or maybe infuriate you. Thank you so, so very much. I love you guys!

I will miss you!

bubble bubble; bubbleeee: (wheeeeee)

2010-03-29T04:38:00.000-07:00

After what seems to be an approximate month of low internet lurking statistic, I finally got to watch a movie online - this one time without any disturbances. An amazing movie, "She's Out of My League" communicates one of the most beautiful (beautifully cliche, that is) messages of love. Hot people, amazing friends, cliche message: what people address as an awesome movie.

Judge for yourself.

Anyways, teh blogger are has an feebah. Had an feebah. Teh blogger has wants to say hi to everyones out there! And soree for maintains the blog's banality.

I can has calculus fever? So I was doing my calculus homework today and a kangaroo pounded on my head. MLIA.

I love it when I make plans in my head. And they just stay there, in my head. MLIA.

Priscilla Ahn

2010-03-13T01:20:00.000-08:00

is awesome! (:

There you go, an update.

:D

2010-02-25T20:04:00.000-08:00

blogging is:

2010-02-19T18:36:00.000-08:00

boring. Might as well quit since i type crap only. Yaye! (:

Blogging is how people learn to deceive and adopt an alternative personality/ies. It is how they learn to hide their ugly selves. Because ultimately humans are pathetic. The power of media. Oh well. :D

Available updates:

1. Experiment Results: Hypothesis accepted. The dependency of Andre on music increases with time. Poor thing.

2. Flipside: Not good. Seems like I was the only one who handed in the articles and created an illusion to the editor that my article was actually good. Pssh. From 5 pages it was shortened to 4 pages and now I have no idea how to fit it in the small columns of the Flipside 'pamphlet'. I really want my say @design this time! Goodness. People think we're printing FREE PAMPHLETS. WHAT THE FUCK. I feel so appreciated I'm getting diabetes.

3. Madness: Train of thoughts went off tangent and crashed. @crash, destroyed friends, interfered with plans, stopped studying, yelled at people, cried. Train fixed! Yaye! (: It became stronger! With the help of technology it's always improving. Good as new with improved wheels! Whatever.

4. Research Paper: Not good either. It used to be centered around the idea of connecting Same-Sex Marriage to HIV Rates and now I realize it's so damn fucking easy to get statistics for HIV/AIDS in our country. I cannot even begin to fathom Malaysian websites: weak layout, stupid designs and unprofessional tags spilled all over like gravy, except that I don't really wanna eat it. Agh. Think, Andre, think. As if I can. ): Oh well. Guess I'll have to be patient and redetermine my research direction. By the way, it's never about the grades ONLY: if you work for the grades, you'll never learn. Well, except for Calculus.

5. Chinese New Year: Nothing big. But plain happy when friends came over. Am freakin' hungry now, can't type. Oh well, that's why I had Facebook and photo's posted on it. (:

Ciao, people. Duty calls, before I start having bad breath again!

p/s: anyone else has bad breath whenever they're extremely hungry? help me :x

UW Madison

2010-02-14T08:11:00.000-08:00

I heart you.

it's chinese new year again

2010-02-13T00:19:00.000-08:00

and dad's making lots of calls.

and i'm not doing any homework. shit.

and i wanna watch more series. oh man. i'm seriously tuned out of the working mode. bad.

i wanna study! stupid shit.

having a crush means...

2010-02-12T07:43:00.000-08:00

...you're an idiot.

...being burned by a cigarette butt.

...life sucks.

...irrationality.

...you're a hopeless bitch.

...you should probably die (not literally).

...fuck it.

i saw my crush wtf after the post.

2010-01-29T17:06:00.000-08:00

so it's not a bad weekend after all

but maybe it is because after the post yesterday

i got inspired

word-vomitted

and now i think my writing is bleh

maybe it would serve a good blogpost

but anyways that will be decided by the Flipside (ADP Magazine) Head

so whatever

yaye.

beautiful day isn't it

29th of January

i name it ADP Day (i know, wtf, but let me have my moments kay)

it was really nostalgic

i miss so much

it was really funny

someone got conned into buying gap

it was really happy

someone got to finish glee online

it was really fantastic

someone got accepted into a university of main choice

it was really ...

someone ... got into the car after i reached ground floor

it was really constructive

i'm really into this p.a.s.s. thing

i'm really into this sociology thing

i'm living.

i is the happy.

2010-01-29T01:04:00.000-08:00

(: (i have blue eyes wtf haha)
Sorry peeps, am a lousy blogger I will admit.
And inconsistent.
Been busy. And it's a good thing!
Finally I have an occupation! Heh.

Just some updates which I wanna share:

Am chosen to lead P.A.S.S. (Peer Assisted Study Sessions, screw the label it's jus tutoring) for MATH 161 (Calculus for Business and Social Sciences) which by the way, is not a course I have taken in the past. Have been wanting to be a tutor since I was a fucking kid. I know, FML/WTF.

Am very occupied trying to digest and apply Sociological theories (which by the way fascinate me alongside the philosophies it comes into contact with).

Am very convinced to either double major in the future in Chemistry and probably Sociology. Beautiful (dream).

Am thinking I was stupid to have submitted my name for Flipside content writing. Fiction, oh my God. Deadline, 3 weeks. I think the blender will need to work longer for me to get that amount of creative juice. Oy (Justine, 2010).

Am hungry and craving for Japanese food with a friend bragging to me via text that she's having Japanese. It's 1715 hours btw. Fml.

Am gonna have a bad weekend 'cause didn't see my crush. WTF. (Touch wood.)

Am freaking out over my inability to produce a single word for my Sociology journal. Which btw is on the issue of euthanasia. Which btw has a deadline after the day Kris Allen comes to Malaysia. I know. FML to the power of tangent of 90 degrees.

Am tired. Am alone. FML.

The library is boring when you wanna take a break from your intensely excruciating research work. MLIA.

Oh, and

We're having green week in ADP next week and am gonna wear lotsa green! Yaye!

and

Am freaking out because I really wanna start and finish my first draft for my Sociology research paper ASAP. And can't even settle with the main idea. FML. The restriction of the research being highly objective is killing me. Lucky we have journals, but the topic I want is not fucking there. Yaye D:

Enough negativity. MLIA. And I'm happy nevertheless.

Miss (seeing) ya. /:

so i am discouraged,

2010-01-22T04:33:00.000-08:00

and I'm sick of being sad because of something alien to my biological form.

Go away, humans.

Ugh.

OMG I LOVE YOU. D:

same direction.

2010-01-16T00:05:00.000-08:00

I wish I could read 10000000 minds at a time. That would make sociological imagination much easier and accurate. (When will I stop being stupid?)

I need answers. Oh forget answers; everybody wants answers but we never get any - in the end we just assume. But how far, really, can these porcelain constructions last? How much more strain can they handle? Will the time come soon in the event where all the premises are to be destroyed and a wholly new architecture erected?

And here I am, trying (so hard) to study the existing system of thoughts and my mediocre brain capacity and concentration span not helping, at all (instead it goes the other way). Man.

Anyways, I was thinking about my Sociology research paper. Gonna go solo this time, hassle-free. Indulgence in Sociology is finally achievable: best possible lecturer, best possible lectures, and despite the gruesome air conditioning, the best discussion classes. I have not spoken in class, mainly due to the fear of my emotional offensiveness, but I will make sure that comes to an end.

The auditorium is cold. My favorite spot is under the vent. Fuck that.

Back to the paper. My list of possible topics (with the required emphasis on "Effects") has been generated, but my main interest lies on the topic of sexuality. This paper offers me another way of studying the topic; instead of clinging onto the same archaic psychological (or worse, stereotypical) explanations, I seek new ideas.

The Most Beautiful Song On Earth.

2010-01-14T23:12:00.000-08:00

Kris Allen's Alright With Me. <3

Beautiful lyrics. Simple yet catchy chord progression. Happiness and Love written all over. :D

sifu, 'they keep switching' is not supposed to make me sound bad, right? T^T

2010-01-14T01:16:00.000-08:00

I am enrolled in the best course (read: best lecturer) on earth. yaye.

2010-01-14T01:14:00.000-08:00

Be Positive,

2010-01-10T08:26:00.001-08:00

bugger.

NAWH..

2010-01-09T06:07:00.000-08:00

I wish things get hell of a good turn when classes start.

Fuck this state of mine.

123109

2009-12-31T06:47:00.000-08:00

It has been a year.

Today. (Happy birthday Amy Tee!)

Wow, I can't believe how much has happened. And I have been through it all.

The crooked ones, the seemingly mediocre ones and the fun ones.

I just hope it keeps on changing. And I want to keep on making something new.

For myself; for everybody around me.

Happie Nyu Yare everyone!

Trust me 2010 is just the start of a whole lot of hawtness!

Love, Andre.

P/S You'll never guess what I'm doing for midnight today ;)

I'm not

2009-12-17T19:24:00.000-08:00

sick of being egocentric

I accept human nature

dear blog.

2009-12-14T20:34:00.000-08:00

Am sorry for ditching you (sorta) but I hafta say, this blog is getting lame.

Heh. Sorrrrrreeeee. Let's just say I'm required to drink lotsa tea if I blog much. And I'm lazy to brew tea. Heh.

ciao

2009-12-09T05:04:00.000-08:00

ultimately orgasmic!

2009-12-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

i want immortality

nuff said huh

oh, no audition ah?

2009-12-03T00:13:00.000-08:00

~~LOL~~ (no I'm not ever gonna use that word again when I'm not laughin!)

Wow. Just, wow. I've never figured a proper lesson could be so much pressure. To be frank, I've never taken my mom's words seriously whenever I'm on the piano. Okay, maybe a few times, but she never got time for me anyways. You know, women with their business.

So mom said, I'm gonna send you to have a lesson with, OMGWTF a famous Malaysian pianist.

>:9

Awesome. 'Cos I thought I might never be able to, any further, hone my skills (if there are any) on the piano. Yay. But, wow (as mentioned earlier), wow, stressed much? Plus the dizziness knocking in my head (probably because of the messed-up order of food and food supplement), gah. A lot to work on.

And whenever I say a lot, I really, really mean a LOT.

And when someone is professional, he can really make you feel IT.

Yes, up your arse, down your throat, or right in the middle of your stomach. Behold, tremble before the almighty PANIC.

I was secretly swearing at myself when I played the first piece, where I fell down several (make that a few hundred) times, and repeated some 3908247592039457 stupid mistakes. And realized that wasn't even close to being worthy of swearing, when he pointed out what was necessary to take note of.

I've been practicing with the inappropriate fingerings all the time. FML indeed.

Well, nevertheless, it had been a both intriguing and enlightening experience! The joy!

I guess humans just still love things when they are seemingly turned 'right' or 'correct'. Nature. Bah, who cares, whatever.

+i killed

2009-12-01T21:39:00.001-08:00

my crush (i think) because it is pointless.

Quoting a friend, crushes have absolutely no point.

Splendid holidays; so little time, so much to do!

An escape from the stark madness faced everyday.

And a nice nap in the afternoon plus jogging to work on! Teehee.

100 posts

2009-11-30T20:45:00.000-08:00

already. I found an essay. My first essay in English 101, about how I got in love with Debussy. I didn't know I could write like that!

Where did the fire go?

detour.

2009-11-30T17:06:00.001-08:00

broke off from daily routine of utter boredom, went to OU, got filled with joy, then fury and sorrow towards the end of the day.

used to it.

not a person in good terms with words, english, and emotions, i've decided my blogposts will never exceed this line.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

done.

pictures, up next.

pictures.

2009-11-30T17:02:00.001-08:00

TASK #1

2009-11-28T02:25:00.001-08:00

is to clean up my room! Yay!

Progress so far today: 10 % q(-_-q)

Boohoo.

But clean up my room, clean up my heart. 8D

Task #2 awaits! I'm gonna go to the kitchen again after so many years of spoiling! Teehee. 0///0

my holiday plans

2009-11-26T06:56:00.000-08:00

may shock everyone but

i plan to stone all month.

HAHA. Gotcha. It seems to be what someone like me would do but I've decided to get productive!

things to do (musts)

-read up on organic chemistry (hugs and kisses! teehee.)

-download loads and loads of songs (well almost done with all the awesome songs in my player, imagine, 100+ downloaded in 2 days)

-read nick hornby! teehee.

-go on the treadmill (no more dreadmill because it makes me forget certain *ahem* stuff) everyday

-drive people here and there (boring!)

-learn to play a few songs on the piano or guitar (: (one done! whee! loves.)

-try to take good and cute pictures again! hehe.

-must get mr loo bang hean to give me classes WHEEEEEEEEEE :D

-clean up my room! gah.

-love james morrison more.

-love john mayer more.

starting now i'll never know your name

starting now i'll never feel the same

starting now i wish you never came into my world

starting now-ingrid michaelson

ingrid michaelson

2009-11-26T06:53:00.001-08:00

makes me feel IT.

very;

2009-11-26T01:36:00.000-08:00

very very satisfied and happy 'cause its starting to fade again! (:

i'm starting to think

2009-11-25T18:16:00.000-08:00

that you're lying to me!

eat your own words! think back and you know what i mean! ):

guess in the end i can't trust anyone anymore.

I hereby:

2009-11-24T22:51:00.000-08:00

thank Calculus finals for providing me 1 hour of distraction from you.

i never felt this way before;

it kinda SUCKS.

for after those days i thought it faded; just like the rest, that i thought i had

but then you just had to suddenly pop up

catch me defenseless

trust me i did everything to defend because i knew i was gonna see you

but not this way

sometimes i

wished i was blind when i see you

wished i was deaf when i hear you

wished i was nose-less when i smell you, shit

and dammit everytime you walk by, i feel like a freak

because you smelled fucking good

and i curse you for appearing for the best times i have

when i was happy and forget everything

and that you distract me from everything

i thought it was gonna work

that its best that i avoid you exclusively

but whenever i do that

you just had to appear

fuck you

fml

and you almost made me screw up my first calculus question today

until calculus wins

FINALLY

once i was distracted from you

and then i was cursed with thoughts of you for the rest of the day

fml (:

music: james morrison - this boy (on endless repeat, on windows media player, on fake ipod, on real player, and on my mind)

do you know me?

2009-11-21T03:21:00.000-08:00

do i know you?

i feel

2009-11-19T08:39:00.000-08:00

that this is not exactly the right time to blog.

-countdown: 14 hours and 20 minutes to chem finals-

Okay, enough said. It's so damn fucking nostalgic I feel so mellow now.

I went to the 12th floor where our classrooms are, at night. It was deserted. Only me and Wei Quan who was kind enough to accompany me to go smuggle water.

Frankly I would like to go there again at night, alone. The memories just rushed to me. Emo as it is, I walked through the corridor, savoring every air molecule ADPians breathe everyday, staring down all sights we see everyday, and this weird feeling of satisfaction and mushiness came up.

Well, it wasn't exactly the last day here. But the last day there this year. The feeling's definitely gonna change when I go back.

Some things are just gonna be missing. Well not missing but buried inside.

They just became "used-to-be"s.

Ah, the nostalgia.

WHAT THE GUCK

2009-11-14T22:13:00.001-08:00

AM I DOING?

it:

2009-11-14T00:28:00.001-08:00

means something,

you know.

adorable (:

2009-11-11T00:06:00.000-08:00

Fucking emo much? (:

I'm watching some "aww"-ish soap and I think I'm having fantasies.

Ha-ha. When there's two quizzes and two projects to deal with. Awesome.

You. Cute. Ha-ha.

Blush.

Wipes blush. Omg. I need to get sane.

Wanna go watch 2012!!!!! :D

Truth for Truth is a funny game. Hahaha. (:

And heck yeah! Dream date is so in a book store! You guys have no idea how sweet it can be! :P

I hope I don't screw up in the upcoming presentation! Gah. Need to get socially normal much?

Shit man. Fucking YouTube just failed on me. No more soaps. :'(

Getting down to work, now!

jya

some stupid stuff.

2009-11-10T07:23:00.000-08:00

being sensitive IS stupid

and that's why i am stupid

some people just never get it, and some people will not care to think about it

some people are just not sensitive enough to get it, and some people just are afraid to get it

some people just make things up in their minds, and some people just wants everything to be fucked

so actually its all the fault of nothing

that i fell

and stopped

and didn't wanna get up

and maybe i should kill my blog

its just some disposal area for my shit :(

why do people fight to say 'i suck'

why do people keep saying sorry

why do people just neglect

why do people just don't care

why do people just go on Facebook to much

shit is all around

all you have to do is open your eyes and see it

it IS there.

appreciate life.

2009-11-05T21:41:00.000-08:00

I've been dead on my blog. Ever since like, eww, a week ago.

Ha-ha. It's just so not me. But tryna make a major change here. (:

Even though my attempt to abstain (emphasis: attempt) from logging into facebook forever failed miserably-horribly after just one, two days or so, just like how Dre attempted (heavier emphasis: attempted) to fast on his urge to mock our dear utterly mockable Ikhsan d: (Ikhsan: Sorry! Hehe. You're meaner D:), I have decided to stop being such a facebook addict. I still log in though. But I won't be on like 24/7. Ha-ha. We'll see, Amy Tee!

It's really been a week. It felt like forever. Heh, well forever ended. Time to live happily ever after. OkaywhattheheckamIsaying. (: Major change in life seems fresh and tasty. I feel better already and all ready for battle. Fight for mother Earth people!

Here's a personal dedication (shortened) to all my friends in college. I appreciate every single one of you. You are you. Irreplaceable means irreplaceable. I love you guys.

Justine. Ikhsan. Faiz. Dre. Rebecca. Samantha. Faisal.

Thank you guys. (It's really shortened but) I just wanna say thank you for everything. Especially 3 of you! (:

Never apologize for anything you NEVER do, Faiz. Hehe. Yes I emphasize that.

-to be continued-

i don't want

2009-11-01T04:56:00.001-08:00

what is this feeling

obligation to live

when will it end

im starting to get impatient

im out of ways to comfort

your tears finally ooze out

i hope my blood oozes out

and compensates everything

neverending ray of hope.

2009-10-29T23:28:00.000-07:00

i found this girl in the corner of this world

she's there, alone

tears drained; bruises were clear of her hands, her body

her heart

she was trying to cry again, but they took away

her chance

they took away what she loves, what she dreams of

what makes her smile

she decided to just stone up

she did

and a statue an eon

she was;

was she, in pain in such state a

wishing that someday before judgement arrives

will a peck land on her forehead

for a long time neglect enraged

a peck

full of red

yellow

and she will be freed from the stone of eternal meaninglessness

a shoulder will be there

and a ray of hope

a very very bright, ray of hope,

intense she will feel;

tears and mucous and whatnots

sorrow

happiness

empathy

hopefulness

will explode, dissolve, embed;

she will die, leaving him there,

alone

he will stone, or not

but the tear will flow, for it keeps

the law in place

and forever there is peace, the peace that is pure

so pure the light loves it,

neverending ray of hope.

roses are red, violets are blue, fuck you whore.

2009-10-27T03:52:00.001-07:00

I have just arrived one hour before I type this post, from the outing to KLCC with dear friends Justine, Faiz, Rebecca, Samantha and Dre. Thank you, guys!

We went to watch 500 Days of Summer, an indie film (according to Faiz) which was only shown in KLCC TGV. The movie was (to me) deeply moving, hysterical, full of awesome sarcasm, and of course the beautiful portrait of love and the amazing filmography. It wasn't just unique, but connecting.

I hope I will survive the "Demon of the semester" (Justine, 2009) that is arrving soon, which is... when? Oh yeah, tomorrow. Gah. I totally deserve the sympathy.

p/s: Will post the pictures soon. Patience (:

p/s again: Sorry about the title. Couldn't remember other awesome lines. Ha-ha.

2009-10-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

Say what you need to say

AbandonShip!

2009-10-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

I have decided to abandon a mean-toned post I saved as a draft since last week. Yay. :)

Okay, maybe not. But I will not keep the mean tone! I need to learn how to sound professional. Will post it, SOON! But first, Disaster is upcoming - the week after next is really gonna be a smothering one, imagine: Having Chemistry Test 3, Calculus Test 2, Statistics Test 2, Chemistry poster due date, World Religions presentation all at the same time (!), as well as all the daily hassle and emotional turbulences, while trying to apply to universities.

Oh jolly fancy that!

Oh so by the way, my post is on ecoenzyme making, which is in turn part of my Chemistry project. For that reason I will prolly post the draft (after proofreading) after I finish the poster, or maybe at the same time.

Meanwhile, friendly advice: Having personal problems binding to you during the peak pressure of your semester is an utter bad condition. Never let them stick to you! :) That's what I'm going through but gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Heck. I wanna do it my way. Get out of the melodrama!

And yeah. To my friends in A Levels having exams /SAM program going to have exams especially AmyTee! and HongKian, Denishlee, dearest cousins Seng and Edwin...

ALL THE BEST! I know you can do it! =)

I need to abandon ship! Abandon everything that gets in my dream of greens and earthly love! :)

talk as good as sex talk.

2009-10-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

I went out last night with the gang - Lik Pin, Wee Onn, Sze Teng and Wei Chin, again. But this time I came back only after 12.30. Geez.

Okay, that's nothing big. What's worrying me is, that we had this 'life talk' thing again, like I did with other friends from ADP, i.e. Faiz, Justine, Rebecca and Azrina. What were we talking about?

It made me worry more to see more people me are as insecure as (or more insecure than) me in life; we talked about apocalypse, we talked about how we humans are only touching the tip of the iceberg of the human psyche, we talked about religions (without discrimination), we talked about how God will punish us for all we've done and sinned. All these seemed to add to a suicidal thought. I start to see how all humans are naked while wearing so many garments (and certain* useless and "Eww"ish accessories), because everyone is not even close to being safe and they are constantly afraid. But of course we have (f-ing) hedonists in our world which is making life for people like me fundamentally impossible.

But I'm still here. I'm afraid. I don't know.

Numina.

Wee Onn, who's currently pursuing a major in Psychology, shared his knowledge on "abnormal" (highly subjective) psychology. The iceberg theory came up. It adds on to my fear, for I hate not being in control - which is why I hate life, and why I am afraid of being tired and needing to lose consciousness (sleep).

We talked about the antichrist. I reasoned that genetic engineers will soon lose their minds and start creating a sex god, on the basis of the study on fruit flies - one with its pheromone removed attracted male, female, and interspecies sex.

We lost meaning; I lost reasoning.

We eluded; we admired the awesome prospects of being participants of student exchange programs.

We switched a venue. Then everything "went back to normal": we were joking our asses away, making fun of each other and enjoying a nice stomach and face cramp while banging the table away with our humor. Is this psychology?

I once lost faith; now I lose hope. What's left to lose? You? I didn't (and probably won't, ever) get you.

deprived 2.71828

2009-10-16T01:09:00.000-07:00

I feel so horrible not updating this thing.

But thinking twice, i was enlightened with the reasons I should ignore my blog as much as possible:

1. No one cares.

2. My blog is stupid.

3. I am stupid. (and many people deny it to make me feel good c:)

4. All my 'PLANS' for my blog are not turning out to be even progressing.

5. I am socially deprived and has a boring stupid ignorant life. c:

Yay. Sometimes life makes you wonder: whoever can you trust?

do_ob

-stone-

I'm tired of life. I'm tired of trying to keep up with words. I'm tired of not getting life the way I want it, not even to the smallest nano percent. If life is a face, I must be a zit. c:

are you out there? every night i go to the swing. it struck me to look next to me and i ask: when are you ever gonna come and sit next to me? i can see you smiling - you always are. c: your like a bunny, addictive and adored.

end "hiatus":

2009-10-14T02:44:00.000-07:00

Time for a slap and time to be back as madman. :)

dharma.

2009-10-13T02:17:00.000-07:00

Life sucks at this point in time.
Wait...

life sucks all the time.
Wait...

i only blog when life sucks.
So it all doesn't make sense.

Dukkha.

Tanha:

i swore not to look at you
you came at me in the hallway
of course i did turn away
its just that i couldnt stop looking at you
i hate this
especially when i need to GET A LIFE.
Kama.

your weekly bunny dose.

2009-10-03T02:26:00.000-07:00

and my weekly chocolate dose ain't workin. Okay maybe it is, but on the belly, not on the mind. :c

hello. me is the kewtest bunny ebah! :)

okay, after placing the first picture i've decided not to rearrange anymore. its troublesome. blogger and its complications. ay.

i took this from within my car. banting on the way to morib, evening sun emitting its last beautiful rays.

sometimes i feel like this bunny. aww.

you're so comfy under your own umbrella. missing someone? nah. you can't possibly be.

i'm prolly should be in this phase: fighting stance. ready to fight for the best life.

sometimes, i look up, i see you. and other times i just stand up just to see nothing. its fun.

oh you cute little thing!

oh you lazy little thing!

oh you itchy little thing!

oh you tempting, tantalizing thing! if only i wasn't a coward, i'd be joining my ancestors and learn more in the otherworld.

stupidity beyond words.

2009-10-02T07:37:00.000-07:00

last year, today, i cried.

this year, today, gonna cry.

axial time.

bah.

some lame diary post. with smiley :)

2009-09-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

Hello! I'm finally back with the internet. Gosh that was such a pain.

Okay, maybe not cuz I got to scavenge among (okay I need help on using this word) my old magazines and finally am trying to skew my lifestyle so that its balanced in all ways. Especially exercising. Oh boy.

Not feeling like blogging something serious yet. But soon. About solar stuff I just read on this month's Nat Geo. It's gonna be october already and I have not finished the september issue. Double geez. Gonna get it anyways! Hehe.

Edit (after some random 2 hours):

Decided to post some of my best shots when I tried painstakingly to imitate great photographer friends. :)

*No captions yet. Suggestions welcomed with love! :D Whee! Off to revision.

Hari ini,

2009-09-22T01:37:00.000-07:00

I'm happy because:

For the first time, I can fully concentrate and smoothly play the first 6 pages of La Campanella on my babe. And it was once only. Quota exceeded. LOL.

For the first time, Dad hugs me and says we should go KL tonight. I'd keep my other thoughts to myself, firstly because of my inability to fully communicate my innate emotions through words, second because I don't want to be misunderstood that I fill my blog with personal nuisance just to attract attention (not like they do anyways).

Lessons of the day (highly subjective):

Never think about anything else when you are practicing on the piano.

It's never the same as the TV shows but it's obvious that family love can never be broken, and similarly, never be shown.

Think again.

2009-09-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

It struck me yesterday that what I really want in life was either I leave it all, i.e. becoming an ascetic wtf, or, I live to fulfill my sole duty (highly subjective) - to save humanity from the unseen dangers. Don't get the wrong ideas. Olomok.

This is the first time I've ever gotten this gush-rush to do serious blogging, and political jocularity aside, I'm not gonna blog about some scandals and some (subjective:) idiotic interaction between humans that does nothing (not exactly) but worsen the conditions that I'm exclusively concerned about. Well first thing's first, I need to make my stand crystal clear that I am not giving you the "I hate politics" cliche, I fully understand politics govern our lives whether we like it or not, but sometimes it's just nothing but a jerk. Some people (up there, or even down here) just get overly obsessed and, well, suck at realizing the whole main point of all these. Politics, is elusive. Big ouch.

Okay, mundane talk squeezed to another corner. Obviously people will know where I took my blogpost title from - NatGeo's tagline. So enough said, my concern is nothing but the potential harms that people are not aware, and eerily enough, they're all around you. Boy, I really wonder how Atomic Man would live to see such pain in humanity. I would give up, full of despair.

Not now though. So people, what I'm about to convey, with proper reference, is true in consent of scientists from different specializations, and I really appreciate if you take it seriously, properly, spread it wisely, apply it correctly.

Yesterday I was watching NatGeo's Weird Days on Planet Earth: Oceans. I was filled with trivia and awestruck beyond sense, but was inspired to spread the awareness when they showed this:

Yes, a fucking molecule structure. I myself was intensely “jawdropped” over my “enigmatic” molecule-structure-fetish. Ish.

This molecule is called bisphenol-A, contains two phenol groups, which by the way are benzene alcohols, which, by the way, are used in plastics. YES, the PLASTIC. Itu PLASTIK. Oh boy did that hurt. Plastics really have gone too far this time, or maybe, humans.

According to the program, bisphenol-A tends to leach from certain plastic polymers. What’s the point of knowing? Well, you’d be really worried to hear this – research by the FDA has proven the chemical to be highly toxic, genetically. Some nano-portions of leaches by the plastic of this devastating chemical infected some large population of aquatic lives – setting “time bombs in their genes” so as they say. This toxin disrupts hormone levels and of course degrades cell development. Figure out the consequences!

If you think you’re safe, THINK AGAIN. Yes, the world is FAIR. You hurt mother Gaia, you pay, the only way to salvation is to go GREEN.

And attention to people who have babies at home, NEVER EVER EVER EVER use plastic milk bottles. Do you know that plastic milk bottles that have been washed with warm water leaches 10 TIMES more bisphenol-A? Good for health, huh? This is really why I see humans as pathetic, they don’t care when earth’s life is at stake; they run like a mad duck when it concerns THEIR “stuff”. Use glass ones for God’s sake. At least it’s recyclable.

Not tryna make a fuss out of everything I see. But, wake up, people! We have no time.

I don’t really enjoy it when certain people relate the effects of global warming ONLY to be the painstaking efforts to survive the temperature or ice caps melting and apocalypse etc., for they are blind. It’s really selfish, that you don’t care about the fish. Why should we? Simple. We are of the same compounds, we are no different. It’s your bloody self-consciousness that makes it “different”.

Global warming, mainly caused by the raising concentration of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, is actually more hazardous than some raise in temperature or apocalypse crap. I am more concerned about crabs than craps though. The raise in temperature actually causes the coral to lose its beauty, say ecologists with proper research. Worse still, the raise in concentration of carbon dioxide DISSOLVES in water to form carbonic ACID. Coccolithophore, a basic alga that becomes food of many aquatic creatures, become cacated all because their calcite coverings are attacked by the pH level of this.

Think again: Do we really want to release so much carbon dioxide? How did we achieve this? Look again; you might wanna stop driving when it’s like, freaking 10 centimeters away from your house. Walk, cycle. Lose that tyre of yours, and at the same time salvation comes closer.

I know I really sound offensive; I’ve always known I’m abhorrent.

But eat this: WAKE UP PEOPLE.

Think twice before you throw that empty plastic bag, you might be feeding some albatross from Midway Atoll that mistakes it for baby food.

Bože, zachránit ty lidi!

colon; closed bracket

2009-09-16T02:58:00.000-07:00

when you run out of ideas to cut small cards in shapes of cute objects,

google 'cute animals'

it made my day :)

#break short post limit#

2009-09-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

I ate mee-cepat-~~hangus~~masak again after abstaining for like so many months. Bad idea.

And by the way, I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo addicted to Valentina Lisitsa. Go watch her on youtube! :)

With ~~Love~~ MSG,

babeih.

Unfortunately,

2009-09-14T02:49:00.000-07:00

I'm getting really chun inspirations to draw lately. This is a bad feeling - that I seriously need to study a whole LOT and at the same time wanting to draw so badly. And I'm already missing my piano.

It's Yamaha, but I can survive. :0)

Mom and Dad always scold me for helping out other people in their work. But I don't see the point. Of scolding that is. It's not that I like being viewed as 'the one waiting to be used/ asked questions at/ the nerdy helper' but well, simple, it just makes sense to help out.

Maybe it runs in the family.

d°w°b

We are all trying to change, from reactants to products, some people have the catalyst, but usually we don't - what we need is patience, not catalysis.

oh well. :)

2009-09-12T02:26:00.001-07:00

hello.

[no updates available]

gosh, where did my label stickers fly to?

"Work, look for peace and calm in work: you will find it nowhere else." -Dmitri Mendeleev

Chemistry : Andre = 1/0 : ln 1

2009-09-08T22:49:00.000-07:00

Hi folks (if there are any which i doubt)! Today is a memorable day.

Hence.

I'm here to mummify, I mean, immortalize this beautiful number. 090909. 2009 September 9th. Cantik.

Smitten Andre says:

I see you.

You were the same. But today was magical (kononnya). I had to see you. I wanna.

I miss you already.

*snaps*

Realistic Happy Andre says:

Oh crap, once again I lose myself in the battle with chemistry (of the body, not the test). Chemistry test was cancelled today thanks to Ms Ng's leave. Geez.

Oh by the way peeps, I am so gonna go to AAR's upcoming concert on 10th October. What's left to do: Collect ticket, plan transportation, make Denishlee and Lik Pin go, tease Amy who's on exams.

Alamak. Gonna work hard. It's one of those time's where I have to struggle outside of class so that I won't panick in class. Ciao then. I need to study. And get the tickets.

Fooching high! :D

:D

2009-09-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

hot food = painful and addictive.

2009-09-04T01:20:00.000-07:00

Thought I might just update to say...

Hitotsu:

Happy birthday (I like how a friend on facebook puts it as 'Happy burfday!' :P) to my dearest August and September babies (Gucci gucci goo!) !! :)

>>Lik Pin

>>Erica

>>Seon

>>(you all know who you are! :3) *hinthinthint* *sinister smile* *dumbfounded* *stones*

Futatsu:

I am so not updating for a long time ahead. Concentration is important, that I don't have enough. Bah. I am actually happy that (from what I see) the traffic of my blog is substantially next to the derivative of a constant, so, no pressure from people asking to update LAH! :D Well, a scientist-wannabe's life will never be interesting anyways. It's just like minerals and jewels. Jewels are shiny and more people pay attention to them, but in the end they are (almost) the same chemicals. Hehe.

Off to pragmatic life. Bubbye!

MARUDEKHA!

2009-08-30T20:51:00.000-07:00

Happy maruhdeykha to all!

Pop goes the enzyme. :D

Oh well, I'm not supposed to succumb to internetly pleasures. See ya next week. :)

GO AWAY.

2009-08-28T05:44:00.000-07:00

You're not the only one.

All you can do is keep breathing.

All you can do is keep working hard.

All you can do is keep it to yourself. And all you can do is to forget it.

But all you must do is remember. The formulae for Calculus.

animate your world.

2009-08-27T01:34:00.000-07:00

Enervated to the max, the week has been rather progressive compared to the past ones. Today, weirdly despite my sleep deprivation (in some way), I was able to summon strength to drag myself to college and I was actually quite energetic today mentally as I was gladly able to cope with today's Calculus, unlike yesterday.

Attended World Religion class with Mr V again today. 'Twas awesome to the max to the max to the kao kao. The class is not as pristine as the name sounds thanks to Mr V who is just amazingly able to deliver his lecture in a way that is rather appropriate since the topics are very much distorted by media, personal discrimination as well as common stereotypes, as well as being able to make ultra jokes which was a bonus to the lectures.

"Once upon a time, long long ago, far far away, in..." is kind of already his trademark.

Imagine thousands of them. (Oh, showing his tongue is one of them.)

Today's jokes were authentic as usual and hysterical.

"The Chinese always cannot pronounce 'rrrrrr', they pronounce it as 'l'. So do you know why the people of China are so democlatic? They wake up with an election every morning."

"The Malays also. They like to pronounce 'f' like 'p'. That's why they never park their car."

And the class laughed like mad. Priceless.

Tomorrow's probably the quiz for unit of probability for Statistics course. Ah. The dread.

Nevertheless I must keep in mind the order of priority I will give to the courses. I just haven't made up my mind where in the world should I slot in the preparation for SAT. Crap.

Oh one more Mr V's joke. Really awesome. His jokes are always so unexpected.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Condensed version: "So there's this grandfather and son going to attend the PowWow (A gathering for Native American civilizations) and they went on their CRV. So they travelled all over America and finally came to California. So the son went to register for both of them, while the grandfather goes to the washroom.

Receptionist: "Name?"

Son: "Little Eagle."

Receptionist: "Are you here alone?"

Son: "No. I came with my grandfather."

Receptionist: "Oh! That must be Great Eagle!"

Son: "Eh? How you know one?"

Receptionist: "What's your tribe?"

Son: "Fukawee." (Pronounced: fuh-ker-wee)

Receptionist: "Huh? We have the Sioux, we have the Apache, we have the Dakota, but we don't have Fukawee. Are you sure your tribe is called Fukawee?

Son: "Yeah. I'm very sure cuz everytime we stop at the gas station, my grandfather will go to the toilet and come out and say 'Where the fuck are we?' "

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have officially no drive to continue writing. Probably sleep again and wake up later to study Chemistry. Woohoo. Ah crap, just remembered Stats. D:

i actually thought,

2009-08-26T03:23:00.000-07:00

that I may never never never ever want to ever think about the four-letter word anymore. I don't want to, but I sort of want to.

But why? Why would I want something that had been ruining whole of my life?

If its a puppy, I want. But ****.

Is it actually ****? Or ****?

Why? I actually thought it was for lower lifeforms whom have only indifference to the operational world, or those who have no clue on life. Belittling, discriminative.

I want to stop. I want to stop.

I want you to stop. Stop here for me. Come into me, find me. Amidst the nothingness, I see...

nothing

some statistics homework later

nothing

i just turn away i 'pretend' i want i want i want i don't know

or maybe i don't want.

if things were to be easy

simplified

normal

and of course destined

i wouldn't take this route

i will continue to stare at nothingness

and wait

wait

well maybe not for long since its the better route

until

*** **** ***.

i cry

none see

they don't have to

i cry

i hate

i love

i don't know

the conclusion is always uncertainty

we all go on without anything

in the end we're all the same

filthy creatures

when *** **** ***

maybe the curse will be broken?

i cannot wait

to the power of lon sine cos theta squared.

2009-08-25T00:16:00.000-07:00

I am publishing this post, because, uh, I just got the friggin internet back after 3 bugging weeks without internet.

I am supposed to be at the library cramming for chemistry when I am here at home, sulking from the post-fever and eating disorder symptoms as well as the overperspiration (God I hate my hypothalamus), lying on bed, not being able to do anything but, yeah, REST.

I hate rest. Call me a workaholic. But you will eventually realize life is as short as I am, which is real short, and there's way too little time to actually accomplish what I want in life. I calculated mine...

My life is 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 pico% complete. Thank you. I can't afford to have any planes crashing exactly on top of me, or the universes having a galactic fuckup now. Too early.

Life has been uninteresting as usual, except that I had been deriving rate law formulae for the third time this week. Haha. Stupid. Doing unneccessary things, again.

Oh come on already. I really wanna summon the strength to go to the library and just start doing extra calculus work and read up chemistry already (my major for chrissake, now I realize that it deserves 200% more attention than what I gave). Okay. I don't care anymore, I'm just gonna go to the library no matter what now. Rest is a total waste of time. Who needs 'em? Fuck rest.

Ok. Right after I rest.

WALAOEH 101

2009-08-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

Warning: No animals nor plants (maybe yes, paper ah?) were harmed during the production of this post. Okay, maybe a human, who's trying so hard, like, FUCKING hard to cope with his statistics course so far, which just loaded him with some eons worth of homework and just ruined his puny plan to enjoy reading up organic chemistry as well as spending quality time with (YES FUCK THIS -->) the newly modified piano FTW! Which actually imitates the touch of a grand piano well!

No post here.

It's 12 AM. I woke up at 4 AM today.

I mean, yesterday. So whaddya expect?

So just freaking fuck off and do your statistics homework. Oh sorry, I mean fuck myself.

Okay. I made my point: To make a presentation of how fucked up I currently am.

Promise: Will provide food for thought soon. (I got inspired a lot recently.)

p/s: Sorry for the unintriguing vocab. Lazy liao. Its 12 AM WHaddya ExPECt?! =_=

girls night out. with a guy. adui.

2009-08-18T19:00:00.000-07:00

Last night had been nonetheless a wonderful night because I (conveniently) did not go to the library at night to study and use the American Heritage dictionary to word-hunt in preparation of the SAT exam, which (like duh) I am apprehensive about. Like deuh.

This balk on my incessant diligence was abrupt but favorable. (I am still resilient.) Apparently, my ex-housemate from Penang (our boss Mandy) and her elder sis are around Subang just in time for dinner. Sweet. We (Mandy, her sis, Christine, Kai Xian and I) went out for dinner at Street Café, “elusively” for the 20% discount. Hah. We had fun with the usual rhetorical talk (hah, who am I kidding, I mean gossip) on what had been going on in and around the household, as well as our personal, okay maybe not so personal, adversities. We share a certain equal amount of grudge on certain people. Hint hint. No kidding. And also laughed hard at Kai Xian’s dare by Elise’s gang to go hit on Street Café’s (as perceived by the girls) manly boss. Hysterical.

After dinner, we felt like having an extra cup of drink somewhere else, probably thanks to the high monosodium glutamate amount in the food we took. Geez. Well, it was notwithstanding the rather vile weather, a great idea to have some iced sparkling juice which comprised 99% sugar. Sweet, indeed. At the mean time, we did have some innocuous games of Jenga blocks! Brilliant game, I’d say. (Bear with me, no photos available, yet. Wait till I get home. Takde cable.) The last round was totally awesome, where we were 4 steps to total game completion. We were pros; I have to say, because the base was basically 4 sets of crosses.

However, the day had been the worst Calculus day I’d ever had. I mean, how castigating is being stuck at the second sub-question of your assignment, not knowing what or where you’ve gone wrong, being toyed around by your weak logic, then finding out your graph is wrong after 4 hours? Jesus. I almost dieded! Hoc est bellum, Calculus! I shall tame your wild obscene soul (with propriety of course, I ain’t no barbarian)! Or maybe just beat the bejesus out of you. For the first time in my life, the calculator seems so repugnant. I really prefer manual calculation a lot! Or maybe I just need a calculator with larger buttons. Heh.

Word of advice to calculus students (on integration) etc.: Make sure your graph is always correct! The hard part is never the integration; it’s always the wrong graph misleading you to take the path of superfluous calculations what the bunny.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!

MTV WORLD STAGE WAS THE AWESOMEST AWESOMENESS EVER!

2009-08-15T22:58:00.000-07:00

Yellowwwwww peeps!

So I'm here in front of the laptop being the first one among my friends to blog about MTV World Stage Malaysia (!) because I can't walk properly now. Heh.

My heads spinning and aching too much for me to come up with great words and organized sentences to describe last night's experience. (I slept at 4 LOL) Not like I can anyways. :P

So we actually get to see Estranged, Boys Like Girls, Pixie Lott, Raygun, Hoobastank, All-American Rejects, and Kasabian live in action. How wicked cool and awesome is that! Everyone was jumping screaming, cheering, singing (as well as smoking and molesting) like mad.

Okay, I don't think I have the mental strength to continue. Oh my gawsh this is my shortest post ever. LMAO. When this is the biggest event ever. What the bunny.

Didn't take any pics tho. Silly me. Lucky Faiz, Justine and Cha Nee took some. Heh.

I say:

Raygun was awesome.

Boys Like Girls was awesome.

Hoobastank was awesome!

All-American Rejects were awesome!

Kasabian was awesome as well.

Hehe. I cannot forget how brilliant it went!

Thank you to everyone who made it happen, however and whatever. Thanks for making the amazing night happen.

Another thing, Lik Pin, Happy Birthday! (yes, again.)

Jumbled post #12345.2333

2009-08-14T06:56:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to not make a long narrative post on the first week of Fall 09 @ ADP which ends literally today.

I went on with the 3/4-science-nerd path. Not 3/4 actually, but hmm let's see...

Calculus II: 5 CH

Chem 106: 4 CH

Stats 261: 3 CH

WREL: 3 CH.

So proportion of science nerd

= (5+4+3)/(5+4+3+3)

=12/15

=4/5

Oh. So more nerdy than I deduced. COOL! =)

Highlight of the week was Wednesday: Went out the whole day, watched G.I.Joe, as well as District 9 preview (Thanks to Justine). "Prawn" (Plural: focking prawns) had just officially became a vile word in my dictionary after District 9. Had a great day thanks to the fab peeps. And once again I succumb to guilty pleasure - the notebook was calling out to me. I had to buy it. Christ, when will I stop?

And World Religion just got a whole lot more awesome than it already was with Mr V. and his awesomeness. (Summarized from one whole page of biography that I don't have the patience to produce.)

I've been thinking for a bit. Well, maybe a lot. Yeah. Lots have come and go in my brain. And I can't exactly put everything down on words to immortalize them but yeah, this, I must say.

I really hope to apologize to the people around me because of my taciturn, nature, maybe? Nature or not I have no idea, all I know is it may (or may not) cause uncomfortable and awkward situations or conversations, in short: will make you feel rather bad.

I am doing my best to be as extroverted as possible metamorphosize (I hope I spelt that right?) from the introvert me in the past. I just really wanna say sorry, maybe it's my English (and a whole lot of psychological philosphy to it), or maybe it's my nature. Just, sorry. I can't help being passive because I don't know how not to. I do my best to imitate whatever favorable responses, except laughing - which is SURPRISINGLY natural. Yes. I don't just laugh to make you feel good. (=_________=)

I love to laugh.

I don't response good. Ignore the laughs, they come naturally, not necessarily as responses.

So I really thank you guys for bearing with me. And well, I hope it's not a burden.

This post serves to clarify my condition and stand, as well as state of apology.

I love you guys, but sometimes I'm not good in thinking in English. (This doesn't imply that I am good in thinking in any particular language. So sometimes I'm just one big galactic fuckup.) Hence, stupid responses from me. Because I am too jumbled up. Haha. Please, I don't mind anyone correcting me, or just sort of slap me with words, in any way. I don't care. I just wanna learn, and maybe just wanna fit in? Yes, according to Maslow's Heirarchy. =) "Belonging" just under "self-actualization".

Something I realized really late: that I don't have enough control over emotional turbulences. I get easily sucked out by any overwhelming movies and remain stuck until I get slapped - one way or the other. Oh. I can't write anymore. Point is, I realize that I need to become more intellectual, instead of being so susceptible to puny emotions, which by the way is just the body's automated responses, imposed by sociology, conducted by chemistry.

Okay before I become zombie I need to say sorry again. Ciao. Zombies don't type.

p/s: Still stuck at Czerny School of Velocity. Dead arduous. Funny this time I hurt my thumb instead of my ring and little fingers. Heh.

p/s/s: Heh. MTV World Stage tomorrow! FTW =)

時をdon't go away

2009-08-08T22:35:00.000-07:00

It's oh so quiet.

Time to ~~reflect~~ emo.

Oh well, gotta brace myself.

18 and a half hours to Fall Semester.

6 hours to leaving my babe for good.

1 hour to moving everything necessary out of my room.

-15 minutes to complete mental breakdown.

-30 minutes to stupid La Campanella attempt.

0 minutes to two tired hands.

5 seconds to published post.

Blogger Template "guide"

2009-08-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to Cheryl Leong.

Well, to change your blogger template provided you have the XML file from external sources, you simply have to go under the "Layout" tab, "Edit HTML" subtab, and upload your XML file. Voila. Be prepared to download and backup your previous template first. You might also lose some Widgets in the process of changing. I did backup for every Widget before I changed.

Note that you don't have to be able to open the XML file. Just upload it.

Happy blogger template changing!

p/s: It's really fun to dedicate your posts to friends! Haha. This is my second and more to come! And by the way, I just realized my first dedication was my 50th post! Awesome.

Reflect. and whine. DON'T whine.

2009-08-07T03:13:00.000-07:00

The following post is specially dedicated to best friend Amy Tee.

(Just fragments of thoughts, on my best, arranged into words.)

Life ain't lucid.

You, me, all of us - we're all changing constantly. As I sit here and type this, countless people are dying, tripped, or on the verge of losing something important. On top of that, countless people obtain opportunities, too, or maybe are climaxing - on bed or not, sexual or life, gay or straight, dogmatic or not, verbal or physical, logical or fantasy. Some people believe it's God's will-cum-arrangement; some people believe in destiny - fate; some people say The Law of Attraction counts; while some people just sit back, relax and enjoy the oh so "pathetic" view. (Oh, by the way, trust me, people treat science no different than religions.)

I just sit back and enjoy the aesthetics.

Many people are in search of relationships, sacred or secular, persistent or not. Having watched Sex and The City, I'm gonna ask you a question, which stroke me quite hard like a bullet, came so sudden like a bulletrain. So how's it going? That relationship - your relationship with yourself?

Humans are environmental animals. People mould us into random blends of virtues and characteristics, both them and us remain unaware of it. Well, we unconsciously do that to others too, so I guess it's a chicken-and-egg sort of a philosophy. Often, I have the idea/belief that no-one is smart. None. Just adept maybe. But nobody can do it naturally -what do we even mean by natural? Well I don't have time to give a fuck here, point is, none's genius. Nada. Zero. Poof. Well, if your response is "pfft" then my response is: All those pridogies out there? They're a different race. We, on the other hand, the mediocre layer of humans, the major constitute, are never born to be experts.

One quote I live my life through with: "Practice makes perfect."

And practice does makes perfect.

Okay, maybe not, but practice is what helps.

Sometimes we just hafta let down our fantasies and imaginations or whatever we make up in our minds, observations even, and start toiling and working our uninteresting asses off to get what is labelled as "desirable". I call that: pragmaticism.

Frankly speaking, I used to be so susceptible to flatters I succumb to them and had my era as the most arrogant and ignorant brat. I didn't work hard until real late of my so-far existent life, around high-school. You may say I mature slow. I'm happy I work very hard now, and I'm happy to see hardworking people around me.

Alright upon reaching this point, I'm outta inspirations/thoughts.

Random blabbers for you:

The world is of infinite possibilities. Go. Fly. Soar. Try.

When will we go beyond labels? When we are with friends. Precious.

Sadness won't do any good without happiness. Vice versa.

Oh. Gonna go for dinner now.

have been waiting, u're late!

2009-08-06T05:58:00.000-07:00

Stupid timetable.

Really stupid timetable LOR.

Should I take drop WREL and take PHYS to be full time science nerd, or switch to SOCS for Dr Adnan? +_+

I have absolute zero idea on how to arrange this.

amused by veins

2009-08-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA.

I can see my veins. Vaguely. On fingers.

Good thing. Definitely, maybe? ;P

All thanks to Czerny! I finally realized all along I didn't build up the strength and endurance of my ring and little fingers. Even the 1st exercise piece is sooooooo excruciating.

Geez.

The landlady is annoying. Texting me while she could've called. All about rental again. What else? And seriously unreasonable. Freaking told her parents aren't around. Jesus! Still want me to bank in. Frankly, I have absolutely no idea and yeah, no idea how to bank in. (alamak so paiseh)

Another grueling task: compiling information on my prospective universities. Ouch. Thanks to the complex websites.

Gonna consider:

1. U of North Carolina @ Chapel Hill

2. U of Texas @ Austin

3. GeorgiaTech @ Atlanta

4. Penn State U @ University Park

5. Iowa State U @ Ames

GeorgiaTech went straight down to 3rd when I realized their Music Dept is practically non-existent.

=_______=

さようなら、リズト様。

2009-08-04T00:43:00.000-07:00

Jesus, I can't blog.

This typing is gonna hurt my hands more.

Hence, I shall desist blogging for the mean time. It's only for the better, well, I mean, to succumb to my other desire.

i wonder when will i regain my finger strength T^T

Oh well. I guess I have to go technical on practice, and that means goodbye Liszt-mediocre-attempts, hello excruciating, unemotional Brahms and Czerny practices.

im gonna feed my bunny with fish biscuits =)

I miss you Upright Piano. I really wonder if it's because i'm practicing on a seemingly lower piano?

I think I can't keep refraining from playing, or maybe I will use that book as a substitute, but gosh. It's such a pain.

Cello; sexy and beautiful.

2009-08-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

The cello is an intensely sexy and luscious instrument.

Ecstatic and delirious!

Ah, final week of holidays. Must finish what I planned: Clean room; Wrap new books; Draw; Read.

Awesome huh. And I certainly must meet up with the Banting gang. S'been so long.

I just bought a compilation of 100 cello pieces from Popular bookstore Sunway Pyramid. Gawsh. The brilliance! Fyi, cello had been the most desirable instrument in my life, despite the more versatilities of piano and violin. Geez.

Awesome, now 2 CD sets to bring to Subang for my leisure enjoyment. Sweet.

"No Excuses" (Justine, 2009)

2009-08-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

I've made decisions (something I certainly do not enjoy) and I'm gonna work hard.

Enough said huh.

I really hope to maintain the humble part of me, and not let those egos take over anymore.

I need to be enlightened always.

Holidays, I'm gonna treat you good! When you end, I'm gonna pick up every piece of me all over the place.

全然分からん、でも、頑張ったね！(I don't understand, but, let's just work hard for it!)

Crying is not for kids.

2009-07-31T09:58:00.000-07:00

Tears take all away.

Thank God for the creation of tear ducts. I may be a fish sulking the whole time, a tap flowing with water most of the time, I cry, I sob, like an immature child, but I realize it is only for the better - In order to ~~burn calories~~ regain composure and logic mindset.

(To avoid misunderstandings, I am not atheist, nor I am a Christian. I'm merely agnostic, which by the way means I believe that existence and nonexistence of God cannot be proved. Hence, the mediocre usage of the word "God". Bear with me, both Christians and atheists.)

I shall not be mentioning Yale or some stupid Ivy university now. Being in a "normal" college, maybe will bring more challenge, in the sense that I will do lots of stuff ON MY OWN. I shan't depend on some PhD lecturer for best consultation, I shan't depend on great dorms to live in for comfort, I will have my way of doing stuff. As long as there is a piano.

With you, dear, I can do anything.

Except playing that note with my right little finger. =_= Such an excruciating task.

p/s: Thank you, Justine, for standing by me via msn! =D

p/s/s: Faiz, welcome onboard! :D

Inner strength

2009-07-31T06:54:00.000-07:00

does not exist.

It's some fancy thing you get in dramas. In TV. Or more accurately, in fantasies.

One second you will post something like: Reality is harsh, all you can do is face it.

The next nanosec, you will most probably be having the thought that your life may be the most miserable one on earth and even the most adept engineers cannot crack it.

Why are you shutting up? Why aren't you speaking up? Why?

Why?

Just tell it!

Say it!

I want the music and chemistry, I want the best, I want to meet awesome profound people!

All of it!

No, you silly! All you want is to look good and show off you have the perfect life!

Life? Does it even exist? Though I feel I might be physicalist in terms of philosphy. You're all mere stupid bunches of meat and bone, acting in a weirder way than a bunny.

No!! I have soul! I feel things. I feel the world.

Bullshit. Nonsense.

You, yeah, you're just blogging on this because you want attention huh? You want to make it like you're the most miserable person on earth, are you not?! Pathetic! Don't you know everyone goes through this? Your feelings - Just ignore them! They're mere automated response by chemicals in your body! You're majoring in chemistry, don't you realize?! Fuck off, you!

Lay there, stare. Nothing's gonna happen. You'll just end up with your mediocre lower life in the gutters. It's always like that. You'll just end up satisfying yourself with some lousy piano, and illegally downloaded scores. And live happily ever after, closing up everything to not more than 5 squarefeet around you. That, is your world.

of inhumane entities and dilemma.

2009-07-31T01:33:00.000-07:00

Geez.

I can't believe I've spent this whole day dreaming and surfing through Ivies and getting all the application and informative documents printed as soon as I got the new toner for my printer (woohoo!) again.

Gawsh. Someone slap me up please?

I need to ace this SAT thingy, yet I'm wasting time blogging here while there's some gruelsome 5000-vocab-list which needs my loving attention. Not to mention I seriously need to work on maths since Calculus 2 is on its way. And that freaking seductive, lusty bitch Chemistry book. Gah. Kyrie eleison! =_=

I simply kenot bear this entity. URGH. ARGH. IRGH. GAH.

No more blogging for me until I finish reading all 5000 words. Woohoo. Not.

The last time my hypothalamus malfunctions.

2009-07-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

Gah. Almost committed to a kamikaze attempt just now.

"Tekanlah minyak sikit!"

Indignation and my stupid pride. HaaHaaHaa.

But bah, who cares?! I passed WOOHOOO! :D

Now that is awesome.

Wanna know what's more brilliant? Here:

- Invigilators love playing with nervous students.

- Never watch profound movies before you go to sleep. You end up not sleeping.

- Thanks to all my friends for your support! (Even if you're not aware of it!)

- I'm going to crash in bed in...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

The number you have dialled is currently unavailable. Please try again later.

Destination: Nowhere

2009-07-29T04:14:00.000-07:00

Geh. Been drinking water?

Fruit drops and brilliance!

Conjugated Linoleic Acid ftw =D

Haahaahaa just ignore my lament.

Woke up from a millenium sleep to reply some friend who's on some sort of com rehab, via text. Glad to catch up with this resolute and amiabe friend.

I don't even wanna take that pile of vocab out anymore.

Grueling. It also felt excruciating to even look at the pile of brochures and catalogs brought back from MACEE, or even think about surfing those massively bewildering university sites and ransacking the piles of words for 'Undergraduate Lower Division Transfer Requirements'. Gah, I've gotten sick of it! Guess I ain't no techno savvy at all.

All I wanna avoid is also tomorrow. I screwed up the mountain part at drivings today, twice. The engine died again today, twice. And I think I'm gonna hit myself tonight in the head, twice. Tomorrow's the examination day, and I'm still so shaky on attaining total coolness and confined confindence (what the fugg am I rambling about?).

Likzzzzzzzz. All I wanna say is zzz. Please come back so we can go out and I can leave this state of gruelsome at home? Gawsh. I'm in utter exigency of unhealthy chat! Erica you too! BALIK SINI! T^T

When will I be able to abstain from indulging in humane emotions and mediocre behavior? I seriously need to get mechanized and be as systematic as possible. And get real.

Tis NOW or NEBER!