Crying is not for kids.

Tears take all away.

Thank God for the creation of tear ducts. I may be a fish sulking the whole time, a tap flowing with water most of the time, I cry, I sob, like an immature child, but I realize it is only for the better - In order to burn calories regain composure and logic mindset.

(To avoid misunderstandings, I am not atheist, nor I am a Christian. I'm merely agnostic, which by the way means I believe that existence and nonexistence of God cannot be proved. Hence, the mediocre usage of the word "God". Bear with me, both Christians and atheists.)

I shall not be mentioning Yale or some stupid Ivy university now. Being in a "normal" college, maybe will bring more challenge, in the sense that I will do lots of stuff ON MY OWN. I shan't depend on some PhD lecturer for best consultation, I shan't depend on great dorms to live in for comfort, I will have my way of doing stuff. As long as there is a piano.

With you, dear, I can do anything.

Except playing that note with my right little finger. =_= Such an excruciating task.

p/s: Thank you, Justine, for standing by me via msn! =D

p/s/s: Faiz, welcome onboard! :D

Inner strength

does not exist.

It's some fancy thing you get in dramas. In TV. Or more accurately, in fantasies.

One second you will post something like: Reality is harsh, all you can do is face it.

The next nanosec, you will most probably be having the thought that your life may be the most miserable one on earth and even the most adept engineers cannot crack it.

Why are you shutting up? Why aren't you speaking up? Why?

Why?

Just tell it!

Say it!

I want the music and chemistry, I want the best, I want to meet awesome profound people!

All of it!

No, you silly! All you want is to look good and show off you have the perfect life!

Life? Does it even exist? Though I feel I might be physicalist in terms of philosphy. You're all mere stupid bunches of meat and bone, acting in a weirder way than a bunny.

No!! I have soul! I feel things. I feel the world.

Bullshit. Nonsense.

You, yeah, you're just blogging on this because you want attention huh? You want to make it like you're the most miserable person on earth, are you not?! Pathetic! Don't you know everyone goes through this? Your feelings - Just ignore them! They're mere automated response by chemicals in your body! You're majoring in chemistry, don't you realize?! Fuck off, you!

Lay there, stare. Nothing's gonna happen. You'll just end up with your mediocre lower life in the gutters. It's always like that. You'll just end up satisfying yourself with some lousy piano, and illegally downloaded scores. And live happily ever after, closing up everything to not more than 5 squarefeet around you. That, is your world.

of inhumane entities and dilemma.

Geez.

Geez.

Geez.

Geez.

Geez.

I can't believe I've spent this whole day dreaming and surfing through Ivies and getting all the application and informative documents printed as soon as I got the new toner for my printer (woohoo!) again.

Gawsh. Someone slap me up please?

I need to ace this SAT thingy, yet I'm wasting time blogging here while there's some gruelsome 5000-vocab-list which needs my loving attention. Not to mention I seriously need to work on maths since Calculus 2 is on its way. And that freaking seductive, lusty bitch Chemistry book. Gah. Kyrie eleison! =_=

I simply kenot bear this entity. URGH. ARGH. IRGH. GAH.

No more blogging for me until I finish reading all 5000 words. Woohoo. Not.

The last time my hypothalamus malfunctions.

Gah. Almost committed to a kamikaze attempt just now.

"Tekanlah minyak sikit!"

Indignation and my stupid pride. HaaHaaHaa.

But bah, who cares?! I passed WOOHOOO! :D

Now that is awesome.

Wanna know what's more brilliant? Here:

- Invigilators love playing with nervous students.

- Never watch profound movies before you go to sleep. You end up not sleeping.

- Thanks to all my friends for your support! (Even if you're not aware of it!)

- I'm going to crash in bed in...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

The number you have dialled is currently unavailable. Please try again later.

Destination: Nowhere

Geh. Been drinking water?

Fruit drops and brilliance!

Conjugated Linoleic Acid ftw =D

Haahaahaa just ignore my lament.

Woke up from a millenium sleep to reply some friend who's on some sort of com rehab, via text. Glad to catch up with this resolute and amiabe friend.

I don't even wanna take that pile of vocab out anymore.

Grueling. It also felt excruciating to even look at the pile of brochures and catalogs brought back from MACEE, or even think about surfing those massively bewildering university sites and ransacking the piles of words for 'Undergraduate Lower Division Transfer Requirements'. Gah, I've gotten sick of it! Guess I ain't no techno savvy at all.

All I wanna avoid is also tomorrow. I screwed up the mountain part at drivings today, twice. The engine died again today, twice. And I think I'm gonna hit myself tonight in the head, twice. Tomorrow's the examination day, and I'm still so shaky on attaining total coolness and confined confindence (what the fugg am I rambling about?).

Likzzzzzzzz. All I wanna say is zzz. Please come back so we can go out and I can leave this state of gruelsome at home? Gawsh. I'm in utter exigency of unhealthy chat! Erica you too! BALIK SINI! T^T

When will I be able to abstain from indulging in humane emotions and mediocre behavior? I seriously need to get mechanized and be as systematic as possible. And get real.

Tis NOW or NEBER!

Zhushko

Agh-doye!

Gawsh, never order 'spicy chicken' at Pasta Mania.

Ever.

It hurts. (Wonder if it's cousin to the DreadMill?)

TARD.

Hahaha. Went out with bunch of awesome friends on a brilliantly empty trip. Empty in the sense of we actually did not much stuff, except hanging out. But that's the point anyways. ;P

Bought dad's birthday present at Sunway Pyramid, and went to *freak out* Canton-i to have lunch with mom, and *double freak out* bought egg tarts FTW! Yay. I hope it's still in the fridge now. Geh. Another great thing - bought Marks&Spencer's Decaf Roast Coffee! Yay :D Now I can drink more coffee without worrying. Ahahaha.

Muazhazhazhazha!

Met up with the gang - with Dre, Faisal, Faiz, Ikhsan, Justine, Rebecca, Samantha. (F-a-i, oh yeah, z comes after s). No I did not retardedly arranged their names according to perfect, logical, alphabetical order! Yeah, we met in the library 'cause some of them are looking for books for TOEFL and were out of luck because most of them were already borrowed. Geez. Went to TBS to get Grade Reports and Reb and Faisal were playing pool in between the agendas. LOL.

Oh yeah, Justine was driving us to Klang (with Rebecca as instructor hehe), and we all teman-ed her for her first and second toll ever. :P

Went to Justine's place for quite a while. *hinthint iki* HAHAHA. Justine, you know what or who I'm talking about. Show it to me someday! Bleks! Well, THAT occured in reward to Justine's 1500-word blogpost, while the rest of us enjoyed the vids Iki made to commemorate the BBQ event which I was too friggin weak to attend. Curses. Just kidding. Hilarious and witty. Liked the part where Justine's appearance was accompanied by *LOL* SpongeBob SquarePants theme song. Not to mention Rebecca's part. HAHAHA. The vid for Evone's birthday was brilliant as well. I guess enough humiliation for you all! ;P

And thanks Iki and Sam for the keychain! :D

Went to Zhusko. I wish to cut the Pasta Mania part short. Trauma, I tell you. Traumatic.

Too bad dad came early. Had to leave early. Gah. I missed you guys! And all the fun. Thanks gazillions! Woohoo!! Please make it to Banting, guys! NO PRESSURE. Ahahaha.

Chocolate-chan. I must desist. Gomen.

Nazdar.

Currently retarding all plans I had from before.

Concentration is on building vocab for acing SAT.

And that friggin seducing, aesthetical Chemistry book I bought last weekend from my dearest Kino-chan!

GAH! I need 360 MYR! That friggin book is so awesome, but short of money. T^T

"Chemistry of The Elements". A must for chemists. Had a peek and swear the next book I buy will be that.

Either that, or Ravel's La Parade ;P

Or Rachmaninoff's Preludes. Gah! 0_o (And I didn't even finish practicing the printed ones. Despicable greed. And ignominy!)

DEAD wanting to compose something. Started. Four chords. Ended. Bah! I need more experience.

Priority 1: Memorize the dictionary -.-

Priority 2: Run the Dreadmill everyday.

Priority 3: Ditto

Priority 4: dittodittoditto.

Gah!!! I got FATTER THAN FAT!! T^T

Have mercy, DREADmill-sama.

p/s: Yeah, ignominy is from the Vocab list ;P go here in case >> dictionary.com