neverending ray of hope.

i found this girl in the corner of this world

she's there, alone

tears drained; bruises were clear of her hands, her body

her heart

she was trying to cry again, but they took away

her chance

they took away what she loves, what she dreams of

what makes her smile

she decided to just stone up

she did

and a statue an eon

she was;

was she, in pain in such state a

wishing that someday before judgement arrives

will a peck land on her forehead

for a long time neglect enraged

a peck

full of red

yellow

and she will be freed from the stone of eternal meaninglessness

a shoulder will be there

and a ray of hope

a very very bright, ray of hope,

intense she will feel;

tears and mucous and whatnots

sorrow

happiness

empathy

hopefulness

will explode, dissolve, embed;

she will die, leaving him there,

alone

he will stone, or not

but the tear will flow, for it keeps

the law in place

and forever there is peace, the peace that is pure

so pure the light loves it,

neverending ray of hope.

roses are red, violets are blue, fuck you whore.

I have just arrived one hour before I type this post, from the outing to KLCC with dear friends Justine, Faiz, Rebecca, Samantha and Dre. Thank you, guys!

We went to watch 500 Days of Summer, an indie film (according to Faiz) which was only shown in KLCC TGV. The movie was (to me) deeply moving, hysterical, full of awesome sarcasm, and of course the beautiful portrait of love and the amazing filmography. It wasn't just unique, but connecting.

I hope I will survive the "Demon of the semester" (Justine, 2009) that is arrving soon, which is... when? Oh yeah, tomorrow. Gah. I totally deserve the sympathy.

p/s: Will post the pictures soon. Patience (:

p/s again: Sorry about the title. Couldn't remember other awesome lines. Ha-ha.

Say what you need to say

AbandonShip!

I have decided to abandon a mean-toned post I saved as a draft since last week. Yay. :)

Okay, maybe not. But I will not keep the mean tone! I need to learn how to sound professional. Will post it, SOON! But first, Disaster is upcoming - the week after next is really gonna be a smothering one, imagine: Having Chemistry Test 3, Calculus Test 2, Statistics Test 2, Chemistry poster due date, World Religions presentation all at the same time (!), as well as all the daily hassle and emotional turbulences, while trying to apply to universities.

Oh jolly fancy that!

Oh so by the way, my post is on ecoenzyme making, which is in turn part of my Chemistry project. For that reason I will prolly post the draft (after proofreading) after I finish the poster, or maybe at the same time.

Meanwhile, friendly advice: Having personal problems binding to you during the peak pressure of your semester is an utter bad condition. Never let them stick to you! :) That's what I'm going through but gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Heck. I wanna do it my way. Get out of the melodrama!

And yeah. To my friends in A Levels having exams /SAM program going to have exams especially AmyTee! and HongKian, Denishlee, dearest cousins Seng and Edwin...

ALL THE BEST! I know you can do it! =)

I need to abandon ship! Abandon everything that gets in my dream of greens and earthly love! :)

talk as good as sex talk.

I went out last night with the gang - Lik Pin, Wee Onn, Sze Teng and Wei Chin, again. But this time I came back only after 12.30. Geez.

Okay, that's nothing big. What's worrying me is, that we had this 'life talk' thing again, like I did with other friends from ADP, i.e. Faiz, Justine, Rebecca and Azrina. What were we talking about?

It made me worry more to see more people me are as insecure as (or more insecure than) me in life; we talked about apocalypse, we talked about how we humans are only touching the tip of the iceberg of the human psyche, we talked about religions (without discrimination), we talked about how God will punish us for all we've done and sinned. All these seemed to add to a suicidal thought. I start to see how all humans are naked while wearing so many garments (and certain* useless and "Eww"ish accessories), because everyone is not even close to being safe and they are constantly afraid. But of course we have (f-ing) hedonists in our world which is making life for people like me fundamentally impossible.

But I'm still here. I'm afraid. I don't know.

Numina.

Wee Onn, who's currently pursuing a major in Psychology, shared his knowledge on "abnormal" (highly subjective) psychology. The iceberg theory came up. It adds on to my fear, for I hate not being in control - which is why I hate life, and why I am afraid of being tired and needing to lose consciousness (sleep).

We talked about the antichrist. I reasoned that genetic engineers will soon lose their minds and start creating a sex god, on the basis of the study on fruit flies - one with its pheromone removed attracted male, female, and interspecies sex.

We lost meaning; I lost reasoning.

We eluded; we admired the awesome prospects of being participants of student exchange programs.

We switched a venue. Then everything "went back to normal": we were joking our asses away, making fun of each other and enjoying a nice stomach and face cramp while banging the table away with our humor. Is this psychology?

I once lost faith; now I lose hope. What's left to lose? You? I didn't (and probably won't, ever) get you.

deprived 2.71828

I feel so horrible not updating this thing.

But thinking twice, i was enlightened with the reasons I should ignore my blog as much as possible:

1. No one cares.

2. My blog is stupid.

3. I am stupid. (and many people deny it to make me feel good c:)

4. All my 'PLANS' for my blog are not turning out to be even progressing.

5. I am socially deprived and has a boring stupid ignorant life. c:

Yay. Sometimes life makes you wonder: whoever can you trust?

do_ob

-stone-

I'm tired of life. I'm tired of trying to keep up with words. I'm tired of not getting life the way I want it, not even to the smallest nano percent. If life is a face, I must be a zit. c:

are you out there? every night i go to the swing. it struck me to look next to me and i ask: when are you ever gonna come and sit next to me? i can see you smiling - you always are. c: your like a bunny, addictive and adored.

end "hiatus":

Time for a slap and time to be back as madman. :)

dharma.

Life sucks at this point in time.
Wait...

life sucks all the time.
Wait...

i only blog when life sucks.
So it all doesn't make sense.

Dukkha.

Tanha:

i swore not to look at you
you came at me in the hallway
of course i did turn away
its just that i couldnt stop looking at you
i hate this
especially when i need to GET A LIFE.
Kama.

your weekly bunny dose.

and my weekly chocolate dose ain't workin. Okay maybe it is, but on the belly, not on the mind. :c

hello. me is the kewtest bunny ebah! :)

okay, after placing the first picture i've decided not to rearrange anymore. its troublesome. blogger and its complications. ay.

i took this from within my car. banting on the way to morib, evening sun emitting its last beautiful rays.

sometimes i feel like this bunny. aww.

you're so comfy under your own umbrella. missing someone? nah. you can't possibly be.

i'm prolly should be in this phase: fighting stance. ready to fight for the best life.

sometimes, i look up, i see you. and other times i just stand up just to see nothing. its fun.

oh you cute little thing!

oh you lazy little thing!

oh you itchy little thing!

oh you tempting, tantalizing thing! if only i wasn't a coward, i'd be joining my ancestors and learn more in the otherworld.

stupidity beyond words.

last year, today, i cried.

this year, today, gonna cry.

axial time.

bah.