MARUDEKHA!

Happy maruhdeykha to all!

Pop goes the enzyme. :D

Oh well, I'm not supposed to succumb to internetly pleasures. See ya next week. :)

GO AWAY.

You're not the only one.

All you can do is keep breathing.

All you can do is keep working hard.

All you can do is keep it to yourself. And all you can do is to forget it.

But all you must do is remember. The formulae for Calculus.

animate your world.

Enervated to the max, the week has been rather progressive compared to the past ones. Today, weirdly despite my sleep deprivation (in some way), I was able to summon strength to drag myself to college and I was actually quite energetic today mentally as I was gladly able to cope with today's Calculus, unlike yesterday.

Attended World Religion class with Mr V again today. 'Twas awesome to the max to the max to the kao kao. The class is not as pristine as the name sounds thanks to Mr V who is just amazingly able to deliver his lecture in a way that is rather appropriate since the topics are very much distorted by media, personal discrimination as well as common stereotypes, as well as being able to make ultra jokes which was a bonus to the lectures.

"Once upon a time, long long ago, far far away, in..." is kind of already his trademark.

Imagine thousands of them. (Oh, showing his tongue is one of them.)

Today's jokes were authentic as usual and hysterical.

"The Chinese always cannot pronounce 'rrrrrr', they pronounce it as 'l'. So do you know why the people of China are so democlatic? They wake up with an election every morning."

"The Malays also. They like to pronounce 'f' like 'p'. That's why they never park their car."

And the class laughed like mad. Priceless.

Tomorrow's probably the quiz for unit of probability for Statistics course. Ah. The dread.

Nevertheless I must keep in mind the order of priority I will give to the courses. I just haven't made up my mind where in the world should I slot in the preparation for SAT. Crap.

Oh one more Mr V's joke. Really awesome. His jokes are always so unexpected.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Condensed version: "So there's this grandfather and son going to attend the PowWow (A gathering for Native American civilizations) and they went on their CRV. So they travelled all over America and finally came to California. So the son went to register for both of them, while the grandfather goes to the washroom.

Receptionist: "Name?"

Son: "Little Eagle."

Receptionist: "Are you here alone?"

Son: "No. I came with my grandfather."

Receptionist: "Oh! That must be Great Eagle!"

Son: "Eh? How you know one?"

Receptionist: "What's your tribe?"

Son: "Fukawee." (Pronounced: fuh-ker-wee)

Receptionist: "Huh? We have the Sioux, we have the Apache, we have the Dakota, but we don't have Fukawee. Are you sure your tribe is called Fukawee?

Son: "Yeah. I'm very sure cuz everytime we stop at the gas station, my grandfather will go to the toilet and come out and say 'Where the fuck are we?' "

----------------------------------------------------------------------

I have officially no drive to continue writing. Probably sleep again and wake up later to study Chemistry. Woohoo. Ah crap, just remembered Stats. D:

i actually thought,

that I may never never never ever want to ever think about the four-letter word anymore. I don't want to, but I sort of want to.

But why? Why would I want something that had been ruining whole of my life?

If its a puppy, I want. But ****.

Is it actually ****? Or ****?

Why? I actually thought it was for lower lifeforms whom have only indifference to the operational world, or those who have no clue on life. Belittling, discriminative.

I want to stop. I want to stop.

I want you to stop. Stop here for me. Come into me, find me. Amidst the nothingness, I see...

nothing

some statistics homework later

nothing

i just turn away i 'pretend' i want i want i want i don't know

or maybe i don't want.

if things were to be easy

simplified

normal

and of course destined

i wouldn't take this route

i will continue to stare at nothingness

and wait

wait

well maybe not for long since its the better route

until

*** **** ***.

i cry

none see

they don't have to

i cry

i hate

i love

i don't know

the conclusion is always uncertainty

we all go on without anything

in the end we're all the same

filthy creatures

when *** **** ***

maybe the curse will be broken?

i cannot wait

to the power of lon sine cos theta squared.

I am publishing this post, because, uh, I just got the friggin internet back after 3 bugging weeks without internet.

I am supposed to be at the library cramming for chemistry when I am here at home, sulking from the post-fever and eating disorder symptoms as well as the overperspiration (God I hate my hypothalamus), lying on bed, not being able to do anything but, yeah, REST.

I hate rest. Call me a workaholic. But you will eventually realize life is as short as I am, which is real short, and there's way too little time to actually accomplish what I want in life. I calculated mine...

My life is 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 pico% complete. Thank you. I can't afford to have any planes crashing exactly on top of me, or the universes having a galactic fuckup now. Too early.

Life has been uninteresting as usual, except that I had been deriving rate law formulae for the third time this week. Haha. Stupid. Doing unneccessary things, again.

Oh come on already. I really wanna summon the strength to go to the library and just start doing extra calculus work and read up chemistry already (my major for chrissake, now I realize that it deserves 200% more attention than what I gave). Okay. I don't care anymore, I'm just gonna go to the library no matter what now. Rest is a total waste of time. Who needs 'em? Fuck rest.

Ok. Right after I rest.

WALAOEH 101

Warning: No animals nor plants (maybe yes, paper ah?) were harmed during the production of this post. Okay, maybe a human, who's trying so hard, like, FUCKING hard to cope with his statistics course so far, which just loaded him with some eons worth of homework and just ruined his puny plan to enjoy reading up organic chemistry as well as spending quality time with (YES FUCK THIS -->) the newly modified piano FTW! Which actually imitates the touch of a grand piano well!

No post here.

It's 12 AM. I woke up at 4 AM today.

I mean, yesterday. So whaddya expect?

So just freaking fuck off and do your statistics homework. Oh sorry, I mean fuck myself.

Okay. I made my point: To make a presentation of how fucked up I currently am.

Promise: Will provide food for thought soon. (I got inspired a lot recently.)

p/s: Sorry for the unintriguing vocab. Lazy liao. Its 12 AM WHaddya ExPECt?! =_=

girls night out. with a guy. adui.

Last night had been nonetheless a wonderful night because I (conveniently) did not go to the library at night to study and use the American Heritage dictionary to word-hunt in preparation of the SAT exam, which (like duh) I am apprehensive about. Like deuh.

This balk on my incessant diligence was abrupt but favorable. (I am still resilient.) Apparently, my ex-housemate from Penang (our boss Mandy) and her elder sis are around Subang just in time for dinner. Sweet. We (Mandy, her sis, Christine, Kai Xian and I) went out for dinner at Street Café, “elusively” for the 20% discount. Hah. We had fun with the usual rhetorical talk (hah, who am I kidding, I mean gossip) on what had been going on in and around the household, as well as our personal, okay maybe not so personal, adversities. We share a certain equal amount of grudge on certain people. Hint hint. No kidding. And also laughed hard at Kai Xian’s dare by Elise’s gang to go hit on Street Café’s (as perceived by the girls) manly boss. Hysterical.

After dinner, we felt like having an extra cup of drink somewhere else, probably thanks to the high monosodium glutamate amount in the food we took. Geez. Well, it was notwithstanding the rather vile weather, a great idea to have some iced sparkling juice which comprised 99% sugar. Sweet, indeed. At the mean time, we did have some innocuous games of Jenga blocks! Brilliant game, I’d say. (Bear with me, no photos available, yet. Wait till I get home. Takde cable.) The last round was totally awesome, where we were 4 steps to total game completion. We were pros; I have to say, because the base was basically 4 sets of crosses.

However, the day had been the worst Calculus day I’d ever had. I mean, how castigating is being stuck at the second sub-question of your assignment, not knowing what or where you’ve gone wrong, being toyed around by your weak logic, then finding out your graph is wrong after 4 hours? Jesus. I almost dieded! Hoc est bellum, Calculus! I shall tame your wild obscene soul (with propriety of course, I ain’t no barbarian)! Or maybe just beat the bejesus out of you. For the first time in my life, the calculator seems so repugnant. I really prefer manual calculation a lot! Or maybe I just need a calculator with larger buttons. Heh.

Word of advice to calculus students (on integration) etc.: Make sure your graph is always correct! The hard part is never the integration; it’s always the wrong graph misleading you to take the path of superfluous calculations what the bunny.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should!

MTV WORLD STAGE WAS THE AWESOMEST AWESOMENESS EVER!

Yellowwwwww peeps!

So I'm here in front of the laptop being the first one among my friends to blog about MTV World Stage Malaysia (!) because I can't walk properly now. Heh.

My heads spinning and aching too much for me to come up with great words and organized sentences to describe last night's experience. (I slept at 4 LOL) Not like I can anyways. :P

So we actually get to see Estranged, Boys Like Girls, Pixie Lott, Raygun, Hoobastank, All-American Rejects, and Kasabian live in action. How wicked cool and awesome is that! Everyone was jumping screaming, cheering, singing (as well as smoking and molesting) like mad.

Okay, I don't think I have the mental strength to continue. Oh my gawsh this is my shortest post ever. LMAO. When this is the biggest event ever. What the bunny.

Didn't take any pics tho. Silly me. Lucky Faiz, Justine and Cha Nee took some. Heh.

I say:

Raygun was awesome.

Boys Like Girls was awesome.

Hoobastank was awesome!

All-American Rejects were awesome!

Kasabian was awesome as well.

Hehe. I cannot forget how brilliant it went!

Thank you to everyone who made it happen, however and whatever. Thanks for making the amazing night happen.

Another thing, Lik Pin, Happy Birthday! (yes, again.)

Jumbled post #12345.2333

So I've decided to not make a long narrative post on the first week of Fall 09 @ ADP which ends literally today.

I went on with the 3/4-science-nerd path. Not 3/4 actually, but hmm let's see...

Calculus II: 5 CH

Chem 106: 4 CH

Stats 261: 3 CH

WREL: 3 CH.

So proportion of science nerd

= (5+4+3)/(5+4+3+3)

=12/15

=4/5

Oh. So more nerdy than I deduced. COOL! =)

Highlight of the week was Wednesday: Went out the whole day, watched G.I.Joe, as well as District 9 preview (Thanks to Justine). "Prawn" (Plural: focking prawns) had just officially became a vile word in my dictionary after District 9. Had a great day thanks to the fab peeps. And once again I succumb to guilty pleasure - the notebook was calling out to me. I had to buy it. Christ, when will I stop?

And World Religion just got a whole lot more awesome than it already was with Mr V. and his awesomeness. (Summarized from one whole page of biography that I don't have the patience to produce.)

I've been thinking for a bit. Well, maybe a lot. Yeah. Lots have come and go in my brain. And I can't exactly put everything down on words to immortalize them but yeah, this, I must say.

I really hope to apologize to the people around me because of my taciturn, nature, maybe? Nature or not I have no idea, all I know is it may (or may not) cause uncomfortable and awkward situations or conversations, in short: will make you feel rather bad.

I am doing my best to be as extroverted as possible metamorphosize (I hope I spelt that right?) from the introvert me in the past. I just really wanna say sorry, maybe it's my English (and a whole lot of psychological philosphy to it), or maybe it's my nature. Just, sorry. I can't help being passive because I don't know how not to. I do my best to imitate whatever favorable responses, except laughing - which is SURPRISINGLY natural. Yes. I don't just laugh to make you feel good. (=_________=)

I love to laugh.

I don't response good. Ignore the laughs, they come naturally, not necessarily as responses.

So I really thank you guys for bearing with me. And well, I hope it's not a burden.

This post serves to clarify my condition and stand, as well as state of apology.

I love you guys, but sometimes I'm not good in thinking in English. (This doesn't imply that I am good in thinking in any particular language. So sometimes I'm just one big galactic fuckup.) Hence, stupid responses from me. Because I am too jumbled up. Haha. Please, I don't mind anyone correcting me, or just sort of slap me with words, in any way. I don't care. I just wanna learn, and maybe just wanna fit in? Yes, according to Maslow's Heirarchy. =) "Belonging" just under "self-actualization".

Something I realized really late: that I don't have enough control over emotional turbulences. I get easily sucked out by any overwhelming movies and remain stuck until I get slapped - one way or the other. Oh. I can't write anymore. Point is, I realize that I need to become more intellectual, instead of being so susceptible to puny emotions, which by the way is just the body's automated responses, imposed by sociology, conducted by chemistry.

Okay before I become zombie I need to say sorry again. Ciao. Zombies don't type.

p/s: Still stuck at Czerny School of Velocity. Dead arduous. Funny this time I hurt my thumb instead of my ring and little fingers. Heh.

p/s/s: Heh. MTV World Stage tomorrow! FTW =)

時をdon't go away

It's oh so quiet.

Time to reflect emo.

Oh well, gotta brace myself.

18 and a half hours to Fall Semester.

6 hours to leaving my babe for good.

1 hour to moving everything necessary out of my room.

-15 minutes to complete mental breakdown.

-30 minutes to stupid La Campanella attempt.

0 minutes to two tired hands.

5 seconds to published post.

Blogger Template "guide"

This post is dedicated to Cheryl Leong.

Well, to change your blogger template provided you have the XML file from external sources, you simply have to go under the "Layout" tab, "Edit HTML" subtab, and upload your XML file. Voila. Be prepared to download and backup your previous template first. You might also lose some Widgets in the process of changing. I did backup for every Widget before I changed.

Note that you don't have to be able to open the XML file. Just upload it.

Happy blogger template changing!

p/s: It's really fun to dedicate your posts to friends! Haha. This is my second and more to come! And by the way, I just realized my first dedication was my 50th post! Awesome.

Reflect. and whine. DON'T whine.

The following post is specially dedicated to best friend Amy Tee.

(Just fragments of thoughts, on my best, arranged into words.)

Life ain't lucid.

You, me, all of us - we're all changing constantly. As I sit here and type this, countless people are dying, tripped, or on the verge of losing something important. On top of that, countless people obtain opportunities, too, or maybe are climaxing - on bed or not, sexual or life, gay or straight, dogmatic or not, verbal or physical, logical or fantasy. Some people believe it's God's will-cum-arrangement; some people believe in destiny - fate; some people say The Law of Attraction counts; while some people just sit back, relax and enjoy the oh so "pathetic" view. (Oh, by the way, trust me, people treat science no different than religions.)

I just sit back and enjoy the aesthetics.

Many people are in search of relationships, sacred or secular, persistent or not. Having watched Sex and The City, I'm gonna ask you a question, which stroke me quite hard like a bullet, came so sudden like a bulletrain. So how's it going? That relationship - your relationship with yourself?

Humans are environmental animals. People mould us into random blends of virtues and characteristics, both them and us remain unaware of it. Well, we unconsciously do that to others too, so I guess it's a chicken-and-egg sort of a philosophy. Often, I have the idea/belief that no-one is smart. None. Just adept maybe. But nobody can do it naturally -what do we even mean by natural? Well I don't have time to give a fuck here, point is, none's genius. Nada. Zero. Poof. Well, if your response is "pfft" then my response is: All those pridogies out there? They're a different race. We, on the other hand, the mediocre layer of humans, the major constitute, are never born to be experts.

One quote I live my life through with: "Practice makes perfect."

And practice does makes perfect.

Okay, maybe not, but practice is what helps.

Sometimes we just hafta let down our fantasies and imaginations or whatever we make up in our minds, observations even, and start toiling and working our uninteresting asses off to get what is labelled as "desirable". I call that: pragmaticism.

Frankly speaking, I used to be so susceptible to flatters I succumb to them and had my era as the most arrogant and ignorant brat. I didn't work hard until real late of my so-far existent life, around high-school. You may say I mature slow. I'm happy I work very hard now, and I'm happy to see hardworking people around me.

Alright upon reaching this point, I'm outta inspirations/thoughts.

Random blabbers for you:

The world is of infinite possibilities. Go. Fly. Soar. Try.

When will we go beyond labels? When we are with friends. Precious.

Sadness won't do any good without happiness. Vice versa.

Oh. Gonna go for dinner now.

have been waiting, u're late!

Stupid timetable.

Really stupid timetable LOR.

Should I take drop WREL and take PHYS to be full time science nerd, or switch to SOCS for Dr Adnan? +_+

I have absolute zero idea on how to arrange this.

amused by veins

HAHAHA.

I can see my veins. Vaguely. On fingers.

Good thing. Definitely, maybe? ;P

All thanks to Czerny! I finally realized all along I didn't build up the strength and endurance of my ring and little fingers. Even the 1st exercise piece is sooooooo excruciating.

Geez.

The landlady is annoying. Texting me while she could've called. All about rental again. What else? And seriously unreasonable. Freaking told her parents aren't around. Jesus! Still want me to bank in. Frankly, I have absolutely no idea and yeah, no idea how to bank in. (alamak so paiseh)

Another grueling task: compiling information on my prospective universities. Ouch. Thanks to the complex websites.

Gonna consider:

1. U of North Carolina @ Chapel Hill

2. U of Texas @ Austin

3. GeorgiaTech @ Atlanta

4. Penn State U @ University Park

5. Iowa State U @ Ames

GeorgiaTech went straight down to 3rd when I realized their Music Dept is practically non-existent.

=_______=

さようなら、リズト様。

Jesus, I can't blog.

This typing is gonna hurt my hands more.

Hence, I shall desist blogging for the mean time. It's only for the better, well, I mean, to succumb to my other desire.

i wonder when will i regain my finger strength T^T

Oh well. I guess I have to go technical on practice, and that means goodbye Liszt-mediocre-attempts, hello excruciating, unemotional Brahms and Czerny practices.

im gonna feed my bunny with fish biscuits =)

I miss you Upright Piano. I really wonder if it's because i'm practicing on a seemingly lower piano?

I think I can't keep refraining from playing, or maybe I will use that book as a substitute, but gosh. It's such a pain.

Cello; sexy and beautiful.

The cello is an intensely sexy and luscious instrument.

Ecstatic and delirious!

Ah, final week of holidays. Must finish what I planned: Clean room; Wrap new books; Draw; Read.

Awesome huh. And I certainly must meet up with the Banting gang. S'been so long.

I just bought a compilation of 100 cello pieces from Popular bookstore Sunway Pyramid. Gawsh. The brilliance! Fyi, cello had been the most desirable instrument in my life, despite the more versatilities of piano and violin. Geez.

Awesome, now 2 CD sets to bring to Subang for my leisure enjoyment. Sweet.

"No Excuses" (Justine, 2009)

I've made decisions (something I certainly do not enjoy) and I'm gonna work hard.

Enough said huh.

I really hope to maintain the humble part of me, and not let those egos take over anymore.

I need to be enlightened always.

Holidays, I'm gonna treat you good! When you end, I'm gonna pick up every piece of me all over the place.

全然分からん、でも、頑張ったね！(I don't understand, but, let's just work hard for it!)