123109

It has been a year.

Today. (Happy birthday Amy Tee!)

Wow, I can't believe how much has happened. And I have been through it all.

The crooked ones, the seemingly mediocre ones and the fun ones.

I just hope it keeps on changing. And I want to keep on making something new.

For myself; for everybody around me.

Happie Nyu Yare everyone!

Trust me 2010 is just the start of a whole lot of hawtness!

Love, Andre.

P/S You'll never guess what I'm doing for midnight today ;)

I'm not

sick of being egocentric

I accept human nature

dear blog.

Am sorry for ditching you (sorta) but I hafta say, this blog is getting lame.

Heh. Sorrrrrreeeee. Let's just say I'm required to drink lotsa tea if I blog much. And I'm lazy to brew tea. Heh.

ciao

ultimately orgasmic!

i want immortality

nuff said huh

oh, no audition ah?

LOL (no I'm not ever gonna use that word again when I'm not laughin!)

Wow. Just, wow. I've never figured a proper lesson could be so much pressure. To be frank, I've never taken my mom's words seriously whenever I'm on the piano. Okay, maybe a few times, but she never got time for me anyways. You know, women with their business.

So mom said, I'm gonna send you to have a lesson with, OMGWTF a famous Malaysian pianist.

:)

:D

>:9

Awesome. 'Cos I thought I might never be able to, any further, hone my skills (if there are any) on the piano. Yay. But, wow (as mentioned earlier), wow, stressed much? Plus the dizziness knocking in my head (probably because of the messed-up order of food and food supplement), gah. A lot to work on.

And whenever I say a lot, I really, really mean a LOT.

And when someone is professional, he can really make you feel IT.

Yes, up your arse, down your throat, or right in the middle of your stomach. Behold, tremble before the almighty PANIC.

I was secretly swearing at myself when I played the first piece, where I fell down several (make that a few hundred) times, and repeated some 3908247592039457 stupid mistakes. And realized that wasn't even close to being worthy of swearing, when he pointed out what was necessary to take note of.

I've been practicing with the inappropriate fingerings all the time. FML indeed.

Well, nevertheless, it had been a both intriguing and enlightening experience! The joy!

I guess humans just still love things when they are seemingly turned 'right' or 'correct'. Nature. Bah, who cares, whatever.

+i killed

my crush (i think) because it is pointless.

Quoting a friend, crushes have absolutely no point.

Splendid holidays; so little time, so much to do!

An escape from the stark madness faced everyday.

And a nice nap in the afternoon plus jogging to work on! Teehee.

100 posts

already. I found an essay. My first essay in English 101, about how I got in love with Debussy. I didn't know I could write like that!

Where did the fire go?

detour.

broke off from daily routine of utter boredom, went to OU, got filled with joy, then fury and sorrow towards the end of the day.

used to it.

not a person in good terms with words, english, and emotions, i've decided my blogposts will never exceed this line.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

done.

pictures, up next.

pictures.

TASK #1

is to clean up my room! Yay!

Progress so far today: 10 % q(-_-q)

Boohoo.

But clean up my room, clean up my heart. 8D

Task #2 awaits! I'm gonna go to the kitchen again after so many years of spoiling! Teehee. 0///0

my holiday plans

may shock everyone but

i plan to stone all month.

HAHA. Gotcha. It seems to be what someone like me would do but I've decided to get productive!

things to do (musts)

-read up on organic chemistry (hugs and kisses! teehee.)

-download loads and loads of songs (well almost done with all the awesome songs in my player, imagine, 100+ downloaded in 2 days)

-read nick hornby! teehee.

-go on the treadmill (no more dreadmill because it makes me forget certain *ahem* stuff) everyday

-drive people here and there (boring!)

-learn to play a few songs on the piano or guitar (: (one done! whee! loves.)

-try to take good and cute pictures again! hehe.

-must get mr loo bang hean to give me classes WHEEEEEEEEEE :D

-clean up my room! gah.

-love james morrison more.

-love john mayer more.

starting now i'll never know your name

starting now i'll never feel the same

starting now i wish you never came into my world

starting now-ingrid michaelson

ingrid michaelson

makes me feel IT.

very;

very very satisfied and happy 'cause its starting to fade again! (:

i'm starting to think

that you're lying to me!

eat your own words! think back and you know what i mean! ):

guess in the end i can't trust anyone anymore.

I hereby:

thank Calculus finals for providing me 1 hour of distraction from you.

i never felt this way before;

it kinda SUCKS.

for after those days i thought it faded; just like the rest, that i thought i had

but then you just had to suddenly pop up

catch me defenseless

trust me i did everything to defend because i knew i was gonna see you

but not this way

sometimes i

wished i was blind when i see you

wished i was deaf when i hear you

wished i was nose-less when i smell you, shit

and dammit everytime you walk by, i feel like a freak

because you smelled fucking good

and i curse you for appearing for the best times i have

when i was happy and forget everything

and that you distract me from everything

i thought it was gonna work

that its best that i avoid you exclusively

but whenever i do that

you just had to appear

fuck you

fml

and you almost made me screw up my first calculus question today

until calculus wins

FINALLY

once i was distracted from you

and then i was cursed with thoughts of you for the rest of the day

fml (:

music: james morrison - this boy (on endless repeat, on windows media player, on fake ipod, on real player, and on my mind)

do you know me?

do i know you?

i feel

that this is not exactly the right time to blog.

-countdown: 14 hours and 20 minutes to chem finals-

Okay, enough said. It's so damn fucking nostalgic I feel so mellow now.

I went to the 12th floor where our classrooms are, at night. It was deserted. Only me and Wei Quan who was kind enough to accompany me to go smuggle water.

Frankly I would like to go there again at night, alone. The memories just rushed to me. Emo as it is, I walked through the corridor, savoring every air molecule ADPians breathe everyday, staring down all sights we see everyday, and this weird feeling of satisfaction and mushiness came up.

Well, it wasn't exactly the last day here. But the last day there this year. The feeling's definitely gonna change when I go back.

Some things are just gonna be missing. Well not missing but buried inside.

They just became "used-to-be"s.

Ah, the nostalgia.

WHAT THE GUCK

AM I DOING?

it:

means something,

you know.

adorable (:

Fucking emo much? (:

I'm watching some "aww"-ish soap and I think I'm having fantasies.

Ha-ha. When there's two quizzes and two projects to deal with. Awesome.

You. Cute. Ha-ha.

Blush.

Wipes blush. Omg. I need to get sane.

Wanna go watch 2012!!!!! :D

Truth for Truth is a funny game. Hahaha. (:

And heck yeah! Dream date is so in a book store! You guys have no idea how sweet it can be! :P

I hope I don't screw up in the upcoming presentation! Gah. Need to get socially normal much?

Shit man. Fucking YouTube just failed on me. No more soaps. :'(

Getting down to work, now!

jya

some stupid stuff.

being sensitive IS stupid

and that's why i am stupid

some people just never get it, and some people will not care to think about it

some people are just not sensitive enough to get it, and some people just are afraid to get it

some people just make things up in their minds, and some people just wants everything to be fucked

so actually its all the fault of nothing

that i fell

and stopped

and didn't wanna get up

and maybe i should kill my blog

its just some disposal area for my shit :(

why do people fight to say 'i suck'

why do people keep saying sorry

why do people just neglect

why do people just don't care

why do people just go on Facebook to much

shit is all around

all you have to do is open your eyes and see it

it IS there.

appreciate life.

I've been dead on my blog. Ever since like, eww, a week ago.

Ha-ha. It's just so not me. But tryna make a major change here. (:

Even though my attempt to abstain (emphasis: attempt) from logging into facebook forever failed miserably-horribly after just one, two days or so, just like how Dre attempted (heavier emphasis: attempted) to fast on his urge to mock our dear utterly mockable Ikhsan d: (Ikhsan: Sorry! Hehe. You're meaner D:), I have decided to stop being such a facebook addict. I still log in though. But I won't be on like 24/7. Ha-ha. We'll see, Amy Tee!

It's really been a week. It felt like forever. Heh, well forever ended. Time to live happily ever after. OkaywhattheheckamIsaying. (: Major change in life seems fresh and tasty. I feel better already and all ready for battle. Fight for mother Earth people!

Here's a personal dedication (shortened) to all my friends in college. I appreciate every single one of you. You are you. Irreplaceable means irreplaceable. I love you guys.

Justine. Ikhsan. Faiz. Dre. Rebecca. Samantha. Faisal.

Thank you guys. (It's really shortened but) I just wanna say thank you for everything. Especially 3 of you! (:

Never apologize for anything you NEVER do, Faiz. Hehe. Yes I emphasize that.

-to be continued-

i don't want

what is this feeling

obligation to live

when will it end

im starting to get impatient

im out of ways to comfort

your tears finally ooze out

i hope my blood oozes out

and compensates everything

neverending ray of hope.

i found this girl in the corner of this world

she's there, alone

tears drained; bruises were clear of her hands, her body

her heart

she was trying to cry again, but they took away

her chance

they took away what she loves, what she dreams of

what makes her smile

she decided to just stone up

she did

and a statue an eon

she was;

was she, in pain in such state a

wishing that someday before judgement arrives

will a peck land on her forehead

for a long time neglect enraged

a peck

full of red

yellow

and she will be freed from the stone of eternal meaninglessness

a shoulder will be there

and a ray of hope

a very very bright, ray of hope,

intense she will feel;

tears and mucous and whatnots

sorrow

happiness

empathy

hopefulness

will explode, dissolve, embed;

she will die, leaving him there,

alone

he will stone, or not

but the tear will flow, for it keeps

the law in place

and forever there is peace, the peace that is pure

so pure the light loves it,

neverending ray of hope.

roses are red, violets are blue, fuck you whore.

I have just arrived one hour before I type this post, from the outing to KLCC with dear friends Justine, Faiz, Rebecca, Samantha and Dre. Thank you, guys!

We went to watch 500 Days of Summer, an indie film (according to Faiz) which was only shown in KLCC TGV. The movie was (to me) deeply moving, hysterical, full of awesome sarcasm, and of course the beautiful portrait of love and the amazing filmography. It wasn't just unique, but connecting.

I hope I will survive the "Demon of the semester" (Justine, 2009) that is arrving soon, which is... when? Oh yeah, tomorrow. Gah. I totally deserve the sympathy.

p/s: Will post the pictures soon. Patience (:

p/s again: Sorry about the title. Couldn't remember other awesome lines. Ha-ha.

Say what you need to say

AbandonShip!

I have decided to abandon a mean-toned post I saved as a draft since last week. Yay. :)

Okay, maybe not. But I will not keep the mean tone! I need to learn how to sound professional. Will post it, SOON! But first, Disaster is upcoming - the week after next is really gonna be a smothering one, imagine: Having Chemistry Test 3, Calculus Test 2, Statistics Test 2, Chemistry poster due date, World Religions presentation all at the same time (!), as well as all the daily hassle and emotional turbulences, while trying to apply to universities.

Oh jolly fancy that!

Oh so by the way, my post is on ecoenzyme making, which is in turn part of my Chemistry project. For that reason I will prolly post the draft (after proofreading) after I finish the poster, or maybe at the same time.

Meanwhile, friendly advice: Having personal problems binding to you during the peak pressure of your semester is an utter bad condition. Never let them stick to you! :) That's what I'm going through but gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Heck. I wanna do it my way. Get out of the melodrama!

And yeah. To my friends in A Levels having exams /SAM program going to have exams especially AmyTee! and HongKian, Denishlee, dearest cousins Seng and Edwin...

ALL THE BEST! I know you can do it! =)

I need to abandon ship! Abandon everything that gets in my dream of greens and earthly love! :)

talk as good as sex talk.

I went out last night with the gang - Lik Pin, Wee Onn, Sze Teng and Wei Chin, again. But this time I came back only after 12.30. Geez.

Okay, that's nothing big. What's worrying me is, that we had this 'life talk' thing again, like I did with other friends from ADP, i.e. Faiz, Justine, Rebecca and Azrina. What were we talking about?

It made me worry more to see more people me are as insecure as (or more insecure than) me in life; we talked about apocalypse, we talked about how we humans are only touching the tip of the iceberg of the human psyche, we talked about religions (without discrimination), we talked about how God will punish us for all we've done and sinned. All these seemed to add to a suicidal thought. I start to see how all humans are naked while wearing so many garments (and certain* useless and "Eww"ish accessories), because everyone is not even close to being safe and they are constantly afraid. But of course we have (f-ing) hedonists in our world which is making life for people like me fundamentally impossible.

But I'm still here. I'm afraid. I don't know.

Numina.

Wee Onn, who's currently pursuing a major in Psychology, shared his knowledge on "abnormal" (highly subjective) psychology. The iceberg theory came up. It adds on to my fear, for I hate not being in control - which is why I hate life, and why I am afraid of being tired and needing to lose consciousness (sleep).

We talked about the antichrist. I reasoned that genetic engineers will soon lose their minds and start creating a sex god, on the basis of the study on fruit flies - one with its pheromone removed attracted male, female, and interspecies sex.

We lost meaning; I lost reasoning.

We eluded; we admired the awesome prospects of being participants of student exchange programs.

We switched a venue. Then everything "went back to normal": we were joking our asses away, making fun of each other and enjoying a nice stomach and face cramp while banging the table away with our humor. Is this psychology?

I once lost faith; now I lose hope. What's left to lose? You? I didn't (and probably won't, ever) get you.

deprived 2.71828

I feel so horrible not updating this thing.

But thinking twice, i was enlightened with the reasons I should ignore my blog as much as possible:

1. No one cares.

2. My blog is stupid.

3. I am stupid. (and many people deny it to make me feel good c:)

4. All my 'PLANS' for my blog are not turning out to be even progressing.

5. I am socially deprived and has a boring stupid ignorant life. c:

Yay. Sometimes life makes you wonder: whoever can you trust?

do_ob

-stone-

I'm tired of life. I'm tired of trying to keep up with words. I'm tired of not getting life the way I want it, not even to the smallest nano percent. If life is a face, I must be a zit. c:

are you out there? every night i go to the swing. it struck me to look next to me and i ask: when are you ever gonna come and sit next to me? i can see you smiling - you always are. c: your like a bunny, addictive and adored.

end "hiatus":

Time for a slap and time to be back as madman. :)

dharma.

Life sucks at this point in time.
Wait...

life sucks all the time.
Wait...

i only blog when life sucks.
So it all doesn't make sense.

Dukkha.

Tanha:

i swore not to look at you
you came at me in the hallway
of course i did turn away
its just that i couldnt stop looking at you
i hate this
especially when i need to GET A LIFE.
Kama.

your weekly bunny dose.

and my weekly chocolate dose ain't workin. Okay maybe it is, but on the belly, not on the mind. :c

hello. me is the kewtest bunny ebah! :)

okay, after placing the first picture i've decided not to rearrange anymore. its troublesome. blogger and its complications. ay.

i took this from within my car. banting on the way to morib, evening sun emitting its last beautiful rays.

sometimes i feel like this bunny. aww.

you're so comfy under your own umbrella. missing someone? nah. you can't possibly be.

i'm prolly should be in this phase: fighting stance. ready to fight for the best life.

sometimes, i look up, i see you. and other times i just stand up just to see nothing. its fun.

oh you cute little thing!

oh you lazy little thing!

oh you itchy little thing!

oh you tempting, tantalizing thing! if only i wasn't a coward, i'd be joining my ancestors and learn more in the otherworld.

stupidity beyond words.

last year, today, i cried.

this year, today, gonna cry.

axial time.

bah.