i actually thought,

that I may never never never ever want to ever think about the four-letter word anymore. I don't want to, but I sort of want to.

But why? Why would I want something that had been ruining whole of my life?

If its a puppy, I want. But ****.

Is it actually ****? Or ****?

Why? I actually thought it was for lower lifeforms whom have only indifference to the operational world, or those who have no clue on life. Belittling, discriminative.

I want to stop. I want to stop.

I want you to stop. Stop here for me. Come into me, find me. Amidst the nothingness, I see...

nothing

some statistics homework later

nothing

i just turn away i 'pretend' i want i want i want i don't know

or maybe i don't want.

if things were to be easy

simplified

normal

and of course destined

i wouldn't take this route

i will continue to stare at nothingness

and wait

wait

well maybe not for long since its the better route

until

*** **** ***.

i cry

none see

they don't have to

i cry

i hate

i love

i don't know

the conclusion is always uncertainty

we all go on without anything

in the end we're all the same

filthy creatures

when *** **** ***

maybe the curse will be broken?

i cannot wait